IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people believe that engaging in an active pastime does more to develop children`s life skills than time spent reading. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #pastime #children`s #life #skills #time
Most people believe that an active
pastime
 for
children
 can develop their
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 rather than spending time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reading.
This
 essay totally agrees with that statement. I believe that active
pastime
skill
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 a
child
 to be creative and helps them to achieve a goal rather than reading a book.
Children
's reading a book and considering it as a
skill
 has less actual experience than
children
 taking part in active
skill
 making.
This
 may cause
children
 to be less creative and interactive during an event.
This
 has happened to my cousin Rohit. He is a very good reader and due to inexperience in certain ,
situtation
Correct your spelling
situation
 he always rang me up and seeks
an advice
Remove the article
advice
a piece of advice
a bit of advice
show examples
. Now he regrets not having to spend too much time cultivating an active
pastime
skill
 making. An active
pastime
 can create the right mindset for younger ones' life. It can
also
 help them to understand, develop and sometimes
also
driven
Wrong verb form
drive
show examples
 them
making
Change the verb form
to make
show examples
 a good carrier in it. For ,instance a 16-year
child
 had made a carrier out of his active past time
skill
 by being on a creative VFX team in one of the most desired
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
 KGF and he was
also
 appreciated and
also
 had given different opportunities as well. To sum it up,
pastime
 skills tend to be a stepping stone to success for a
child
. It out brings
Correct article usage
the
show examples
child
's creativity and helps him to interact more with a clear
Correct your spelling
mindset
show examples
mind set
Correct your spelling
mindset
show examples
 rather than not being able to have an actual experience.
Submitted by VISH on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: