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Band 5.5

Some people spend most time of their lives living close to where they were born What might be the reasons for this? What are the advantages and disadvantages?

#people #time #lives
It is true that few
people
 spend most time of their lives living close to where they were born. In my point of view,
this
 can be beneficial because they can have a connection with their families or they can support them easily, the main disadvantage is that they might be lost some of the
opportunities
. On the one hand, one of the most reasons why some
persons
Replace the word
people
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 spend their lives living not far from
hometown
Correct pronoun usage
their hometown
show examples
because
Add a missing verb
is because
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 they need to keep in touch with their parents.
For example
,
according to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the latest survey conducted by Bangkok University,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
revealed that 80% of
people
 who make the decision to live in their hometown tend to spend time with
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
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. Having said that family is the key to
Add an article
an individual
the individual
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individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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 who
live
Change the verb form
lives
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 where they are born. Which can be seen as an advantage.
In
Change preposition
On
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 the other hand,
this
 development is thought to be disadvantageous
is
Correct your spelling
in
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 that
people
 might be lost a lot of
opportunities
 to do something they want to do.
This
 is because few
people
born
Add a missing verb
are born
show examples
 in the area far from the city which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has a big shopping centre, a large library, or a movie theatre. To illustrate that, in recent news, it has reported that many
people
 move to live in the main city because there are bring a lot of benefices to do what they need
such
 as job
opportunities
.
As a result
, living far from hometown
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be considered
drawback
Add an article
a drawback
show examples
. To sum up,
although
this
 tread is beneficial because
people
 living in
neighbourhood
Add an article
the neighbourhood
show examples
 or same city which their family can support and keep relationship with parents . It can be detrimental as they can lose a lot of
opportunities
.
Submitted by fon9sk on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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