IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people spend most time of their lives living close to where they were born What might be the reasons for this? What are the advantages and disadvantages?

#people #time #lives
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It is true that few
people
Use synonyms
 spend most time of their lives living close to where they were born. In my point of view,
this
Linking Words
 can be beneficial because they can have a connection with their families or they can support them easily, the main disadvantage is that they might be lost some of the
opportunities
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, one of the most reasons why some
persons
Replace the word
people
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 spend their lives living not far from
hometown
Correct pronoun usage
their hometown
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because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
 they need to keep in touch with their parents.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the latest survey conducted by Bangkok University,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
revealed that 80% of
people
Use synonyms
 who make the decision to live in their hometown tend to spend time with
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
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. Having said that family is the key to
Add an article
an individual
the individual
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individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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 who
live
Change the verb form
lives
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 where they are born. Which can be seen as an advantage.
In
Change preposition
On
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 the other hand,
this
Linking Words
 development is thought to be disadvantageous
is
Correct your spelling
in
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 that
people
Use synonyms
 might be lost a lot of
opportunities
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 to do something they want to do.
This
Linking Words
 is because few
people
Use synonyms
born
Add a missing verb
are born
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 in the area far from the city which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has a big shopping centre, a large library, or a movie theatre. To illustrate that, in recent news, it has reported that many
people
Use synonyms
 move to live in the main city because there are bring a lot of benefices to do what they need
such
Linking Words
 as job
opportunities
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.
As a result
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, living far from hometown
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be considered
drawback
Add an article
a drawback
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. To sum up,
although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 tread is beneficial because
people
Use synonyms
 living in
neighbourhood
Add an article
the neighbourhood
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 or same city which their family can support and keep relationship with parents . It can be detrimental as they can lose a lot of
opportunities
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by fon9sk on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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