Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#sports #professionals #money #people #professions

Profession plays a pivotal role in the earning of an individual. An eminent sportsman can earn an abundance of money compared to the various other vital occupations. It predisposes to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

controversies where a number of people agree with it

whereas

others

considered

Wrong verb form

consider

show examples

it as not fair. I believe that sportspeople achieve

success

in their

career

through herculean efforts and they deserve to earn more. Numerous occupations compared to

sports

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

a significant role in the sake of humanity. Though working hard from dawn to dusk for the betterment of the world, they still earn less salary. Scientists,

for example

, in the search for life on different planets put tremendous efforts into the research and implementation, even though their wages are not high.

Hence

, the government has to think of

such

a profession that brings change to

the

Change the word

their

show examples

lives and pays a considerable amount to them based on their work.

However

, an individual who belongs to the

sports

background justifies their high deal income for two reasons.

Firstly

, they made sweaty efforts to reach the throne of

success

. They put their

career

at high risk by selecting

sports

against any educational courses.

For instance

, if they fail as a sportsperson, they do not have any other options to earn money.

Secondly

, unlike other professions, the span of their earnings is very short. At a certain age, they would not

able

Add a missing verb

be able

show examples

to give

performance

Correct article usage

a performance

show examples

and with all

success

, they may lose their

career

Therefore

, a famous sportsman deserves a well-figure pay scale during their

career

. In conclusion, there are various other occupations that are vital for a better future and still have their wages lower than the profession like

sports

where successful sportspeople can make more money. In my opinion, by risking their

career

and working hard to achieve

success

, they justify what they earn.

Submitted by hvyas on Tue May 03 2022

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coherence cohesion

Improve the logical structure by ensuring a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present but can be strengthened by providing a clearer thesis statement and summarizing the key points.

coherence cohesion

Support your main points with more specific examples and elaborate on them to provide a deeper insight into your arguments.

task achievement

Ensure that the essay fully addresses the prompt by discussing both views (for and against) in more depth and providing balanced arguments.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

304 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial remuneration
exceptional
merit
talent
demand
entertainment value
career span
physical demands
justified
unfair
criticism
income inequality
societal priorities
sportsmanship

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Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The use of social media, e.g. Facebook and Twitter, is replacing face-to-face contact for many people in everyday life. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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It is impossible to help all people in the world, so governments should only focus on people in their own countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, the difference in age between parents and children is generally greater than it was in the past. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?