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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that technologies such as mobile phones are disrupting social interaction. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #technologies #phones #interaction
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It is generally
acknowloged
Correct your spelling
acknowledged
 by certain individuals that the development of
technology
Use synonyms
 interferes with social communication. Regarding
this
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, I strongly disagree with
this
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 assertion as
people
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 no longer have limits of time and place to have a conversation with others by using
technology
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.  
To begin
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 with, the Internet facilitates the public to interact with
people
Use synonyms
 who live far away in
this
Linking Words
 globalized world since the boundaries became blurred. Students can make foreign friends without going abroad. What is more, overseas students can talk
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 families consistently. 
For example
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, a survey conducted by
Korea
Correct article usage
the Korea
show examples
 Social Foundation
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
revealed that
almos
Correct your spelling
almost
 20% of homesickness
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 reduced since messenger services
invented
Add a missing verb
were invented
show examples
. As the example clearly illustrates,
technology
Use synonyms
 plays a key factor in having
socical
Correct your spelling
social
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
.
Moreover
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, various devices
such
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 as cell phones and laptops allow
people
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 to get feedback instantly. Teachers can provide homework through the Internet, and students can access their assignments frequently by using their electronic devices. Companies can make
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
virtual conferencing through various electronic gadgets remotely.
For instance
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, during the Covid pandemic, if it had not been for cutting-edge
technology
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, individuals would not have
interected
Correct your spelling
interacted
intersected
interested
 with coworkers or peers.
Furthermore
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, like-minded
people
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 can be gathered by
technology
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. Not only can social media allow
people
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post
Fix the infinitive
to post
show examples
 what they think, but it may
also
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 contribute to having a
discuss
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discussion
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 with comments and messages.
Hence
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,
social
Add an article
the social
a social
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network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
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 can be made online by using
technology
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. In conclusion, social interaction has not been disrupted by
technology
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, but rather it has been enhanced owing to the development of cutting edge
technology
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by hiasince38 on

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