Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development

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Due to

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the development of technology,many people argue that many children spend all of their time using smart devices

such

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as phones.The factor which leads to

this

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phenomenon is the attraction of social platforms and the writer concedes

this

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is a negative trend because of the effect on their health. One of the core reasons for

this

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trend is the attractiveness of social media.To be more specific, on social platforms, there is a variety of content that can easily catch up to trendy

while

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teenagers tend not to want to become old-fashioned.

As a result

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,more time spent on the phone may shoot up.

Additionally

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, on social networking websites, users can know the daily lives of their friends through the posts which their friends upload on social.

For instance

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,in the USA where telegram is the dominant app,there is a survey of the reason why many teenagers use telegram, the vote was all about the appeal of the telegraph.

Consequently

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, the time using summons increased up to 35% compared to 2019.

On the other hand

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,addiction may be one of the elements that make

this

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trend become detrimental.To be more clear, prolonged exposure to smartphone screens poses significant health risks, including the development of vision impairments

such

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as short-sightedness

due to

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extended periods of staring at screens.

Moreover

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, the sedentary lifestyle encouraged by excessive smartphone use can contribute to obesity and overweight conditions among children.

Secondly

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, the pervasive presence of smartphones in children’s lives negatively impacts academic performance, as children may struggle to maintain focus on their studies.

This

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smart object abuse can lead to incomplete homework assignments, and ultimately poorer academic outcomes. Taking everything into account,the reason why many teenagers spend many hours on social media is the allure

however

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this

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tendency is negative

due to

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the health effects.

Submitted by [email protected] on Tue May 28 2024

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grammar

Work on sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity. For example, 'the factor which leads to this phenomenon is the attraction of social platforms and the writer concedes this is a negative trend because of the effect on their health' could be clearer if rephrased.

cohesion

Improve the use of transitional phrases to ensure smoother shifts between ideas. For instance, 'On the other hand' should be used when contrasting, but the statement that follows does not directly contrast with the previous point.

task achievement

Expand on specific examples and provide more in-depth analysis to support your points. The example given about Telegram lacks specific details on how it contributes to prolonged smartphone use.

introduction conclusion

The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, framing the essay effectively.

logical structure

Main points are logically introduced and generally well-supported.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

293 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Include an introduction and conclusion

High school students are usually not good at managing money. What are the reasons? What are the solutions?

Some people believe that professional workers such as doctors and teachers should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some believe travel is overrated. People argue whether travel is or is not a component of a quality education. To what extent do you agree with it?

Directors and managers of organisations are often older people. Some people say that it is better for younger people to be leaders. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

‘It is important for foreigners to know something about the history and culture of the country they live in.’ To what extent do you agree or disagree?