IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In companies promotions to high positions should be given to employees inside the company , not to someone from outsiders or new hiring. Do you agree or disagree?

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A group of individuals is inclined to think that senior-level posts should be allocated to the
workers
Use synonyms
 within the organisation
instead
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 of hiring freshers from the community. I, strongly agree with
this
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 notion. My position is justified
further
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 with reasons and examples.
To begin
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 with, the foremost argument to prove my point is that it is ethical to select the employees within the
company
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. To elaborate on
this
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,
workers
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 are working in the same industry for many years have depth knowledge about the firm which can not be seen in outsider employees. Loyalty
as well as
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 commitment to achieve a target for the firm should be taken into consideration in selecting criteria. It is obvious that the
company
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 gives chances to those
workers
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 who already know better about the industry; capable enough to handle the management.
For example
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,
according to
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 a survey conducted by a business school in London, it is proven that most of the
CEO
Fix the agreement mistake
CEOs
show examples
 of industries had previously worked with the same employers.
Moreover
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, it is true that internal team members are more capable of accelerating the financial growth of the
company
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.
This
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 is because, they already know about the weak
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 of the enterprises;
easily
Correct word choice
and easily
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 plan to mitigate the problems. As, being old members,they have immense experience and cognizance about various areas which need to be developed- marketing and production. These ideas are lacking in some newly joined individuals as they are counted as freshers for particular work. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
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instance, Intas, a pharmaceutical industry generated dubble income after providing a job to junior
workers
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 of the
company
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 as a manager. In conclusion, it can be commented that it is ethical to recruit internal team members for managerial posts as they are more capable of understanding the dynamic aspects of the organization and responsible for rising financial outcomes than newly appointed
workers
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
The essay needs to be structured more logically with clear introduction and conclusion. Ensure each paragraph follows a clear progression of ideas.
task achievement
The response to the task is somewhat incomplete. Provide a more detailed explanation of why internal promotions are preferred over external hiring and support your argument with stronger examples.
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