IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many high school students take part time jobs. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

#school #students #part #time #jobs
Nowadays, according to the data shared by the London Union of Teachers, 35% of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high
school
students
 are taking
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
 jobs. In
this
 short essay, I'll
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
discuss the advantages and disadvantages of
this
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, as well as
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
draft some initial conclusions. One of the most important benefits of working and studying at the same time
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is not only related to the possibility the
students
 are having to earn experience earlier they start formally to work, but
also
 with a more attitudinal gain.
Comparing
Wrong verb form
Compared
show examples
 to the undergraduates that don't work during they're in the high
school
, it has been shown that those who do it tend to have more sense of
responsability
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 as well as increased opportunities in the future. Of course, there are
also
 some disadvantages.
For instance
, it has been found that
students
 who split their time between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
 and their job are actually less focused
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
last
 one and they are more likely to
Replace the word
lose
show examples
loose
Correct your spelling
lose
show examples
 motivation to
finishing
Change the form of the verb
finish
show examples
 it. As some articles sustain, the earns these
students
 got from their jobs, even if they are not so high, start representing a higher incentive than the
school
 mainly because they allow them to start having a stronger sense of autonomy and independence from their parents. In conclusion, working while the young people
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 studying is not per se good or bad, it
is depends
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
of
Change the preposition
on
show examples
 each individual and the plans
students
 have for their future
Submitted by verzuba on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: