IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

People today can use the internet to learn about lives and cultures in other countries, so it is not necessary to travel anymore. Do you agree?

#people #internet #lives #cultures #countries #travel
The
Internet
 nowadays is really well developed, we can search for everything
in
Change preposition
at in
show examples
 anytime or anywhere.
As a result
 ,
people
 today are always with their electronic devices
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since they are very useful. If we want to get information or learn about a country, we just need to search it on a website and we can learn about it.
Although
 we can research and determine other countries' cultures and
life
 by using the
internet
, we won’t experience what it really is like in real
life
.
Moreover
, sometimes the information that appears on the
internet
 isn’t all true or maybe a few of the country's culture and
life
 are mentioned and introduced to the world. As I said we won’t experience what it really is like in real
life
.
For instance
, the Mid Autumn Festival in China. Foreigners know that at
this
 festival,
Chinese
people
 eat a dessert called moon cake.
However
, they don’t really know what it means for the
Chinese
people
. For the
Chinese
 ,
people
 it has a meaning of family unity
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because unity in
Chinese
 is “tian yuan”. Mooncakes represent unity
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because “tuan” means dough and “yuan” is round, which totally describes a mooncake. If you search for these things, you will know
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 but not feel
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
In addition
, sometimes the information that appears on the
internet
 isn’t all true or maybe a few of the country's culture and
life
 are mentioned and introduced to the world.
For example
, everyone knows that in Guangdong they speak Cantonese, but what they don’t know is that not everyone knows how to speak Cantonese and maybe other
people
 who aren’t from Guangdong can speak Cantonese better than
people
 born in Guangdong.
Furthermore
,
people
 said that
people
 from the Southern Region can’t eat spicily. But many Southern Region
people
 eat more spicy than Northern region.
Therefore
, I think that
although
 we can use the
internet
 to ascertain about lives and cultures in other countries, it’s better to travel there and experience it by yourself.
Submitted by 25631590921 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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