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Band 5.5

Some people think that children nowadays have too much freedom. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #freedom
Nowadays, many people
thinking
Wrong verb form
think
show examples
 young
children
 have too much freedom than decades, I am totally agreeing with
this
 opinion that
parents
 should give
children
 more space as well as creative thinking, and
this
 essay will discuss the same.
To begin
 with, the young generation has many activities than pass of years, the most of obvious
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 that large of technical equipment for entertainment, most of
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
,
parents
 focus on busy work
thus
 ignore
children
 leisure
time
,
such
us
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 after school
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when
children
 finished
long
Add an article
the long
show examples
 day for study, they are
easily
Replace the word
easy
show examples
 to get play
game
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 or sugary drinking. When
children
addicted
Add a missing verb
are addicted
show examples
 play
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
, they may easily
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
copy
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
game
, which
including
Replace the word
includes
show examples
 violence,
bully
Wrong verb form
bullying
show examples
, or criminal,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is quite of negative influence
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
. What is more, too much unhealthy diet
also
 impact teenager healthy problem, it will cause
children
Replace the word
childhood
show examples
 obesity problem.
On the other hand
, in my way of thinking, moving to consider with
parents
, we may try to combine
game
 and education, like we often say “entertaining “,
for example
, the Apps of “elevate”, it is online teaching Math and English apps which different with boring tutoring, and squeeze out of fun during the study. We should try to lead
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
 independent thinking,
such
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
us
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 artwork or
draw
Wrong verb form
drawing
show examples
 pictures, or
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
do some excise to
management
Replace the word
manage
show examples
 their own
time
. Of course,
limit
Wrong verb form
limiting
show examples
play
Correct your spelling
playtime
show examples
time
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 monitor
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
behave
Replace the word
behaviour
show examples
 is
essentially
Replace the adverb
essential
show examples
. In conclusion, we may agree
children
 have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more freedom than many years ago, as
parents
 should effort to do more concerned to care
children
Change preposition
for children
show examples
 grow up.
Submitted by ellayang_ on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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