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Band 6

Some people believe that technology has made man more social. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #technology #man
Experts around the globe in developed and developing countries have debated whether the
ultilization
Correct your spelling
utilization
 of sophisticated modern
technology
,
such
 as mobile phones and
ipads
Correct your spelling
pads
, has enhanced and improved our social life or whether the opposite has become the case. As evidenced by
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 and online platforms like Facebook and Whatsapp, I firmly believe
technology
 brings
people
 together and
strengthen
Correct subject-verb agreement
strengthens
show examples
 our bondings with those around us. Some may argue that there is ample evidence that
such
technology
 has
Correct your spelling
detrimental
deterimental
Correct article usage
a deterimental
show examples
 effect on our mental well-being, especially for youngsters, who are easily affected by
addictive
Correct article usage
the addictive
show examples
 nature of
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, cyberspace will cause
Correct your spelling
further
futher
Correct pronoun usage
us futher
show examples
isolated
Replace the word
isolation
show examples
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
, and our
next
 generation is unable to develop genuine social skills required for work and social life. Research by
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
 of Hong Kong has shown over fifty
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
people
 spend far more time with mobile phones or online apps
such
 as Youtube, Facebook or Instagram than face-to-face communication with their families or friends.
As a result
, it is conclusively clear that these technological advancements have diminished our
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
 interactions.
On the other hand
, the multifold advantages of
technology
 cannot
be overstate
Change the verb form
be overstated
show examples
.
For example
, family members in various parts of the world can meet in virtual meetings like Zoom, allowing them to connect freely and easily without geographical
barrier
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barriers
show examples
, which can enhance
feeling
Add an article
the feeling
show examples
 of proximity and closeness.
In addition
, online platforms and chatrooms
brings
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bring
show examples
people
 with the same interest or hobbies together, allowing
inspirations
Fix the agreement mistake
inspiration
show examples
 and discussions,
overcoming
Correct word choice
and overcoming
show examples
 the barriers of race, time and distance. In times of lockdown during COVID,
people
 can communicate with their loved one via Whatsapp and Facebook,
thus
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
 their sense of loneliness and isolation. All in all,
technology
 has tightened social bonding in our
society
. To conclude, bonding between the family members,
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
 and various sectors of the
society
 has strengthened and grown because of the new development of
technology
. It is foreseeable that, with reasonable policies to address the threats due to overuse ,
these
Change the determiner
this technology
these technologies
show examples
technology
 will allow our
society
 to flourish.
Submitted by ichtsang on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social interaction
  • connect
  • communicate
  • video conferencing
  • stay in touch
  • online communities
  • forums
  • like-minded individuals
  • global communication
  • collaboration
  • access to information
  • knowledge
  • bridge the gap
  • social isolation
  • detachment
  • face-to-face communication
  • genuine human connection
  • maintain
  • real-life interactions
  • balance
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