IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In many countries, children start learning a second language when they are still in primary school. What are the benefits and drawbacks of learning a second language at an early age? You should write at least 250 words. You should spend around 40 minutes on this task.

#countries #children #second #language #school #age #minutes
In contemporary times, children have begun to learn a
second
language
while
 in elementary school. In
this
 essay, I contend that
this
 trend can undoubtedly enhance their
language
 skills,
whereas
this
 may have more likelihood of causing more burden in terms of competition. On the one hand,
second
languages
 can indeed provide numerous benefits, particularly in abroad interaction.
For instance
,
due to
 current globalization, individuals are more likely to communicate with foreigners. To communicate without
language
 barriers, schooling pupils with bilingual systems in their childhood may be an advisable approach.
Consequently
, Taiwan, Korea and other developed countries generally have propelled
this
 bilingual education, thereby ensuring that young people can cultivate a comprehensive conversation, communicate more effectively, and ultimately be similar to a native speaker later in the future. Despite the fact that pupils would receive a fluent exotic
language
 ability, there was considerable pressure during their time of learning
second
languages
.
This
 stress might lead to some negative emotions.
For instance
, many renowned educational experts indicated that bilingual students need to suffer more training stress because of
second
languages
 which may result in certain mental diseases, especially depression.
Furthermore
,
second
languages
 suggest that students must compete more with others compared with those who only learn local
languages
.
Accordingly
, with more competition, it is unsurprising that younger people need to pay more attention to their learning, and their pressure increasingly accumulates. Eventually, they might fall into a vicious cycle of learning. In summary,
second
languages
 can indeed help children develop their international horizons more comprehensively, thereby communicating with foreigners more efficiently.
However
, invisible learning pressure is gradually increasing and may cause some mental problems.
Submitted by daniellin0717 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your ideas are relevant, but they could be developed in more detail. Adding more specific examples and explanations will strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph links smoothly to the next. Using transitional phrases and making sure each paragraph flows logically from the one before will help.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, giving your essay a well-defined structure.
task achievement
Your essay responds directly to the prompt and addresses both the benefits and drawbacks of learning a second language at an early age.
task achievement
You provide relevant points in discussing the advantages and disadvantages of learning a second language early.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: