IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The number of plants and animals is declining. Describe the reason and suggest some solution.

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In
this
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 day and age, many species of
animals
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 are becoming extinct. There are several reasons for
this
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 alarming trend, but measures could certainly be taken to tackle the problem. From my perspective, two main factors are to be blamed for the way the flora and fauna are being destroyed.
Firstly
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,
this
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 phenomenon of the population is increasing more and more. In recent years, humans need more space to live so they proceed to cut down forests and trees to make way for farmland on which to grow crops and keep
animals
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 or their lives.
This
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 leads to natural habitats being destroyed and numerous species of
animals
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 are face to face with the risk of becoming extinct.
Secondly
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, many human activities indirectly give rise to the extinction of
animals
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.
For instance
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, domestic and industrial waste is pumped into rivers and seas of everyday life which kills plants and fish which results in interrupting natural cycles
as well as
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 devastating effects on food chains. The death of many living creatures and vegetation can certainly be improved. I believe that the change must start with citizens, who play an important role in the development of nature. To limit the population phenomenon the government should enforce the law and run propaganda campaigns to raise awareness about the bad effect if people have more than two children.
Moreover
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, each individual needs to improve knowledge about the environment. To illustrate, citizens should
also
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 try to be greener
such
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 as garbage classification or apply not to put garbage out seas. In a nutshell,
while
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 there are evident reasons that bring about
this
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 phenomenon, I believe that great efforts from individuals and governments are necessary to reverse the trend.

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task achievement
Your essay briefly touches upon the task's requirements but lacks comprehensive elaboration on the reasons for the decline in plant and animal populations, as well as specific and actionable solutions. Developing each point with more detailed justification and examples would strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that there is a clear central topic in each paragraph. At times, the essay veers off-topic slightly. Maintain a consistent thematic focus throughout.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices to create a more coherent argument. While some are present, variety and accuracy can be improved.
coherence cohesion
Consider organizing your essay with more apparent paragraphing to display a clear logical structure. Each paragraph should ideally contain one main point followed by supporting details.
coherence cohesion
Try to provide a more thorough introduction and conclusion. Both should encapsulate your main arguments effectively and succinctly.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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