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Band 6

Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#scientists #technology #experts #society #musicians #artists
Today, due to the necessity
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
scientists
 and technological engineers, it seems that they have become more valued than
musician
Fix the agreement mistake
musicians
show examples
 and
artists
. I completely agree with
this
 opinion as
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
 would never stop
urgent
Correct article usage
the urgent
show examples
 needing
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
scientists
 and technology professors. I will elaborate more on these reasons in the
next
 paragraphs. On the one hand,
scientists
 play a pivotal role in our lives.
This
 means that they always working hard to improve our quality of life by creating a new
medication
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medications
show examples
 or
vaccine
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vaccines
show examples
 to save lives.
For instance
, there was a huge number of research papers all over the world to create a vaccine against COVID19, and without
the
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their
show examples
 effort of them, it would kill a huge number of humans all over the globe.
Moreover
, can we imagine our life without
computer
Correct article usage
a computer
show examples
 or
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
? If any problem happened to any computer system in a bank
for
Add the comma(s)
,for
show examples
 instance, there would be a big dilemma until one of the technology
experts
 fix it.
Therefore
, I believe that people cannot live without these
experts
.
Thus
, they are more valued than
artists
 and musicians.
On the other hand
, musicians and
artists
 have an important role in increasing the income of their country. In
other word
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another word
other words
show examples
, a new
song
 may attract tourists to come and visit the country and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
watch the
song
. Despacito
song
 is an excellent example as the statistics showed that the income of the country from
tourist
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tourists
show examples
 tripled after streaming
this
song
.
Although
 different types of arts are important, I believe that
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 of humans
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 much more important than any income.
As a result
 of
this
 masses value
scientists
 over
artists
. In conclusion, I completely agree that scientific
experts
 are more valued than
arts
Change the noun form
art
show examples
experts
 because science professors are dealing with
necessities
Correct article usage
the necessities
show examples
 of people,
therefore
 they are more valued than
arts
Change the noun form
art
show examples
experts
.
Submitted by Toni R on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • valued
  • modern society
  • scientists
  • technology experts
  • musicians
  • artists
  • reliance
  • scientific advancements
  • practical benefits
  • driving economic growth
  • daily lives
  • culture
  • human emotions
  • express ideas
  • provoke thought
  • spiritual well-being
  • emotional well-being
  • preserving cultural heritage
  • subjective nature
  • diversity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: