Many factured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Health
problems
are associated
to
Change preposition
with to
show examples
consume
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sugar
and the process of
manufactory
Replace the word
manufacturing
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
the responsibility.
However
,
people
need to consume less
sugar
and
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
the cost of
this
product could encourage
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
less consume. In my opinion, I agree
sugar
products have to be
expensive
Correct quantifier usage
more expensive
show examples
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
food. A good reason to increase the cost of
sugar
products is
decrease
Change the verb form
to decrease
decreasing
show examples
obesity in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. At the present, many
obesity
Replace the word
obese
show examples
people
have cardiovascular
problems
and
this
causes other associated illness
as
Replace the word
like
show examples
depression, as a consequence, it will increase the rate of suicide being a big problem for countries.
For example
, many
researches
Correct your spelling
researchers
show examples
said that if
people
consume less
sugar
,
human
Add an article
a human
the human
show examples
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
could have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
better mental health.
Furthermore
,
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
benefit is the quality of life would be better for everyone. Another point to consider is countries could have a
diminish
Replace the word
diminished
show examples
rate of diabetes.
Moreover
, it is known diseases like diabetes contribute to
people
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
other
problems
increasing the blind on
people
.
In addition
, the major benefit to society is
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
less public spending investing money in
people
to encourage
practice
Correct article usage
the practice
show examples
sports
Change preposition
of sports
show examples
and saving money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
medicaments and increasing
people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
could eat more food without
sugar
like vegetables.
For example
, if a country has less amount of
people
with
disease
Add an article
the disease
show examples
, could have more happy
people
reducing mental
problems
. In conclusion,
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraging
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
to have a low
sugar
consume
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
could get
big
Add an article
the big
a big
show examples
benefit for society and I agree that the cost of products with
high
Add an article
a high
the high
show examples
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
of
sugar
ought to be expensive.
Submitted by roberto.carrascopizarro on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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