Many factured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
Health
problems
are associated to
consume Change preposition
with to
of
Change preposition
apply
sugar
and the process of manufactory
Replace the word
manufacturing
have
the responsibility. Correct subject-verb agreement
has
However
, people
need to consume less sugar
and increase
the cost of Wrong verb form
increasing
this
product could encourage to
less consume. In my opinion, I agree Correct pronoun usage
them to
sugar
products have to be expensive
Correct quantifier usage
more expensive
that
Correct word choice
than
health
food.
A good reason to increase the cost of Replace the word
healthy
sugar
products is decrease
obesity in Change the verb form
to decrease
decreasing
the
society. At the present, many Correct article usage
apply
obesity
Replace the word
obese
people
have cardiovascular problems
and this
causes other associated illness as
depression, as a consequence, it will increase the rate of suicide being a big problem for countries. Replace the word
like
For example
, many researches
said that if Correct your spelling
researchers
people
consume less sugar
, human
Add an article
a human
the human
being
could have Fix the agreement mistake
beings
a
better mental health. Remove the article
apply
Furthermore
, other
benefit is the quality of life would be better for everyone.
Another point to consider is countries could have a Change the wording
another
diminish
rate of diabetes. Replace the word
diminished
Moreover
, it is known diseases like diabetes contribute to people
have
other Wrong verb form
having
problems
increasing the blind on people
. In addition
, the major benefit to society is have
Wrong verb form
having
a
less public spending investing money in Remove the article
apply
people
to encourage practice
Correct article usage
the practice
sports
and saving money Change preposition
of sports
in
medicaments and increasing Change preposition
on
people
who
could eat more food without Correct pronoun usage
apply
sugar
like vegetables. For example
, if a country has less amount of people
with disease
, could have more happy Add an article
the disease
people
reducing mental problems
.
In conclusion, encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraging
to
Change preposition
apply
people
to have a low sugar
consume
could get Replace the word
consumption
big
benefit for society and I agree that the cost of products with Add an article
the big
a big
high
Add an article
a high
the high
level
of Fix the agreement mistake
levels
sugar
ought to be expensive.Submitted by roberto.carrascopizarro on
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite