Many factured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Health
problems
are associated with
to consume
Change the verb form
consuming
show examples
sugar
and the process of manufacturing has the responsibility.
However
,
people
need to consume less
sugar
and increasing the cost of
this
product could encourage them to less consume. In my opinion, I agree
sugar
products have to be more expensive than healthy food. A good reason to increase the cost of
sugar
products is
decreasing
Change the verb form
to decrease
show examples
obesity in society. At the present, many obese
people
have cardiovascular
problems
and
this
causes other associated
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
like depression, as a consequence, it will increase the rate of suicide being a big problem for countries.
For example
, many researchers said that if
people
consume less
sugar
,
a human beings
Correct the article-noun agreement
human beings
a human being
show examples
could have better mental health.
Furthermore
, another benefit is the quality of life would be better for everyone. Another point to consider is countries could have a diminished rate of diabetes.
Moreover
, it is known diseases like diabetes contribute to
people
having other
problems
increasing the
blind
Replace the word
blindness
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
people
.
In addition
, the major benefit to society is having less public spending investing money in
people
to encourage the practice of sports and saving money on medicaments and increasing
people
could eat more food without
sugar
like vegetables.
For example
, if a country has less amount of
people
with the disease, could have more happy
people
reducing mental
problems
. In conclusion, encouraging
people
to have a low
sugar
consumption could get
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
big benefit for society and I agree that the cost of products with
a high levels
Correct the article-noun agreement
a high level
high levels
show examples
of
sugar
ought to be expensive.
Submitted by roberto.carrascopizarro on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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