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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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People hold different views on whether children should be taught to compete or co-operate.
While
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 it is true that children can learn a lot from competition, I do think that collaboration is the ability
in need
Wrong verb form
needed

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb in need. Consider changing it.

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 for our future adults and for our society. On the one hand, kids should learn how to deal with failures with good grace when falling short in a rivalry. With sensitive and fragile egos, children will channel their sense of inferiority to others
such
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as bullying, which might be accelerated into more violent behaviour when they are getting older.
However
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, weathering the failure of competition with unconditional caring and proper guidance from teachers and parents, they will experience that one is still loved when defeated. That will
therefore
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 instil an unshakeable belief in self-value which will protect them and
thus
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 future adults from doing detrimental things to overcome the sense of worthlessness.
On the other hand
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, even though there are valuable lessons that come from competition, I do think cooperation needs to be promoted more as it requires a set of skills including leadership, trust, and empathy on a cognitive
as well as
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 an emotional level. These are all essential skills for good employees in the workforce.
For instance
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, there
are
Verb problem
may

There may be a verb use issue here.

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 maybe free riders in a school project. It is easy to get agitated with them, but a good team worker will change perspectives and
then
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 try to understand what matters to them and how to use it to motivate them.
This
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 ability can transfer to a company's work environment when they grow up. In conclusion, I think young people can learn a lot through rivalry, yet, the ability to co-operate is more manifold and more important for future adults and can be never stressed too much.

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task response
Ensure to clearly address all parts of the essay prompt. Make sure to state your opinion explicitly and provide a balanced discussion of both views.
coherence cohesion
Improve the organization of your essay by structuring it with clear paragraphs and transitions between ideas. Ensure that your introduction and conclusion effectively summarize your main points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • compete
  • cooperate
  • useful
  • adults
  • skills
  • motivation
  • drive
  • resilience
  • failure
  • workplace
  • empathy
  • social skills
  • reduce
  • stress
  • pressure
  • balanced
  • approach
  • ideal
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