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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people think technological devices such as smart phones, tablets and mobile phones bring more disadvantages than advantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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A sizable share of citizens consider that cutting-edge
technology
Use synonyms
such
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 as smartphones, tablets, or others causes more harm than benefits.
While
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 I understand their drawbacks, I take the view that the advantages are more significant. Some people are of the opinion that digital devices have become deterrents to the social life of youngsters.
This
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 is because a huge number of them nowadays prefer staying at home
avoiding
Correct word choice
and avoiding
show examples
 face-to-face meetings.
For example
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, recent research published in the Times broadsheet has reported that the proportion of youth meeting each other in person decreased by 40 % throughout the
last
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 decades.
This
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 can make them unable to interact with peers confidently in reality as the majority of
time
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 they spend in a virtual world.
Moreover
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, spending a lot of
time
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 in front of the screen may cause severe health issues. To illustrate, the levels of citizens' vision
deteriorates
Wrong verb form
have deteriorated
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 considerably nowadays.
However
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, I am convinced that the wise use of
technology
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 might be
higly
Correct your spelling
highly
 beneficial for humankind. First and foremost, modern
technology
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 makes our lives very flexible. It gives us a great opportunity to work or study distantly wherever and whenever it is needed.
For instance
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, we can use the
time
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 commuting to work to perform some responsibilities.
Therefore
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, people can spend their leisure
time
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 at home with their nearest and dearest
instead
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 of dealing with monthly reports,
for example
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.
In addition
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, today
technology
Use synonyms
 is very portable and can be used as entertainment. Through different apps
such
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 as Spotify or
YouTube
Add a comma
YouTube,
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 we can listen to music or watch television keeping the finger on the pulse.
Hence
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, technological devices are part and parcel of our lives. In conclusion,
although
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 I accept that the overuse of smartphones and tablets might be harmful, the wise use of them can bring us a lot of benefits.

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task achievement
Expand on your ideas a bit more to provide a deeper analysis of the advantages and disadvantages. This can help strengthen your argument and provide a more comprehensive view of both sides.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the connection between your ideas and paragraphs. Using more linking words and phrases can help make your essay flow better and improve clarity.
task achievement
Be cautious with word choice and phrasing. For example, phrases like 'cutting-edge technology' might be better phrased as 'modern technology' for clarity and simplicity.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion, which is essential for good task achievement.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your points, which helps reinforce your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • communication
  • access to information
  • efficiency
  • addiction
  • privacy concerns
  • distraction
  • isolation
  • screen time
  • digital divide
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