Nowadays, many people spend less and less time at home. What are the ‎causes of this? What are the effects of this on individuals and on society.‎

Today, more and more number of
people
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are forced to spend their day beyond their homes. The reason for
this
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is the huge amount of work, which many
people
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must complete. It may lead to problems with mental health and many illnesses First of all, nowadays many employees are under a big pressure. The number of things they should do has sharply increased lately.
According to
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this
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, it is harder to achieve a balance between their job and their social life.
That is
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why they have to almost live at their workplaces.
For instance
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, in China, 78
percent
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per cent
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of workers do not leave their workplaces until 2 AM because of the number of their tasks.
Due to
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this
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fact, they spend only 7 hours at
home
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.
This
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perspective affects more and more
people
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every day. Because of not spending enough time at
home
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,
people
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start feeling anxious and tired. When
people
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do not stay at their
home
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for enough time, they become exhausted and stressed out. Among these
people
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, mental disorders are more common.
For example
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, in China, 70% of employees are diagnosed with depression, social anxiety and other mental disorders. The reason for
that is
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that they do not spend enough hours at
home
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.
To conclude
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, the reason why the population at present spend less and less time at
home
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is a too stressful and difficult job which requires spending more hours at work than at
home
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. It leads to different problems with mental health and a high level of stress

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task achievement
Expand on your introduction to include a brief overview of the effects of spending less time at home, as well as the causes you've mentioned. This would help set a clearer framework for your essay.
coherence and cohesion
In your body paragraphs, ensure that each point directly relates to both causes and effects. Try to group your ideas thematically, so one paragraph covers causes and another covers effects.
coherence and cohesion
Use a greater variety of linking words and phrases to enhance the fluidity of your writing. For example, consider using 'furthermore', 'in addition', or 'consequently' to connect your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
You provided relevant statistics that add weight to your arguments, making your points more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay generally follows a logical structure, with clear paragraphs that tackle separate ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • job demands
  • work-life balance
  • remote working
  • digital entertainment
  • public spaces
  • urbanization
  • social and recreational options
  • networking
  • commuting
  • blurred boundaries
  • extroverted societal expectation
  • cafes and coworking spaces
  • smaller living spaces
  • cultural changes
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