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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these wiews and give your own opinion.

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Whereas
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 parents are mentioned as the main factor behind breeding their scions in an appropriate route by some individuals,the opponents consider school as the powerful contributor.
However
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in my point of view, cooperation between them would be the best approach to guarantee suitable nurturing.
Nevertheless
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,different sides are uttered here. One of the most highlighted participants has to do with the behaviour of guardians.To illustrate,toddlers look up to their parents as their role models
initially
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
therefore
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,they would mimic both the words and
similarly
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the activities that they used to be witnessed of.In a vivid case,if their guardians
be
Wrong verb form
were

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb be. Consider changing it.

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 aware of
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 fact,they would be more careful about their treatments.
Furthermore
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,by the penetration that elderlies have on their children,it is feasible for them to monitor their friends and as well monitoring them to make sure they are exposed to proper programmes that are broadcasted on
Tv
Correct your spelling
TV

The word Tv doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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for example
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

.
On the other hand
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,their social abilities will be built in school, which is conducted by authorities.Not only have pupils the opportunity to interact with others but they
also
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 should learn how to observe the rules of their departments.
Thus
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,they would get ready
for entering
Change preposition
to enter

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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society in the future.
Moreover
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,to become effective members of society and
likewise
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 flourish in their personal lives,they should prospect in the realm of pedagogical issues.Transparently,it is the responsibility of their teacher to push them toward studying well through various incentives,from prising them to penalisation if they
ignored
Wrong verb form
ignore

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb ignored. Consider changing it.

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 to concentrate on their lessons.
To conclude
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,quite contrary to the people that just mention either parents or institutes authorities as the responsible organism for treating the next generation,to me,a coworking of both of them is the remedial idea for raising them up,based on the various impressions that they can have on them.

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task response
Provide more specific examples to support your points, such as research studies or real-life examples.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your ideas are presented in a clear and organized manner, with a logical flow of information from one point to the next.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • moral values
  • ethics
  • influence
  • instilling
  • role models
  • civic sense
  • social responsibilities
  • character building
  • diverse exposure
  • socialization
  • teamwork
  • cooperation
  • educational curricula
  • citizenship
  • collaborative approach
  • community involvement
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