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Writing Samples
Band 7

some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more usful adults.discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #sense #competition #children #co-operate #usful #adults
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nowadays, the purpose of education is being changed in Korea. there are some people who think that
competition
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 in
children
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 should be made,
also
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 others believe that
children
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 who are taught to co-operate as well as become more useful adults. there are advantages and disadvantages to both of the arguments.
to begin
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 with, what is good if a sense of
competition
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 in
children
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 is made? they could develop themselves more and more as they learn and study a lot to win from the
competition
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 to prove
this
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, in Korea, it is popular even common now to have a tutor who comes to students house to teach extra pieces of study with paying a lot of money. they learn faster than what they learn at
school
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.
furthermore
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, during the vacations, students study abroad to learn English for a month
instead
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 of revising
school
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 work. if they have experiments
such
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 as studying abroad, it is one of the greatest plus points to go to the famous well-known high-
school
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moreover
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, there are four big
school
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 exams and two national examinations to test student's level of studies generally, only the highest 40% can go to the good high schools and colleges.
children
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 learn as much as they can, to win the
competition
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 to obtain good quality schools.
on the other hand
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, as they are busy to enter the
school
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 and studying individually with their own tutors, there are problems they become selfish they become careless and don't help others a lot
if
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 it is about studies. there will be no co-operations for them
then
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, why are there companies for many populations to work in? each of them is clever ,
however
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, there are weak parts and strong parts for each person to co-operate is to improve
this
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 part. people talk and listen to what others think and learn which could
also
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 be a great opportunity to learn
instead
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 of learning alone with one teacher. in conclusion, I strongly agree that
children
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 should be taught to co-operate rather than compete. nobody is perfect. community learn together and work together to develop each other.
therefore
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, I want parents and teachers to educate
children
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 to concentrate on cooperation, not
competition
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 and ranking them.
Submitted by mail.100jad on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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