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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Companies should provide sports facilities for local communities. To what extent do you agree?

#companies #sports #facilities #communities
Due to the technology
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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flourishing in leaps and bounds in
this
 fast-paced world , most
people
 rarely slip away their precious time in a sensible manner. For that reason , some
people
 assert that organization has the privilege to offer physical activities for citizens . In my opinion , I totally agree with
this
 view , and it can create numerous benefits not only for each
citizens
Change to a singular noun
citizen
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 but
also
 for companies themselves.
To begin
 with, there are various compelling reasons why
these physical education
Change the determiner
this physical education
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are
Change the verb form
is
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 beneficial to the public .
Firstly
 , if
people
 are offered to participate in free sports events , it is a good way to boost their mental and physical well-being since they have been suffering
the a
Choose an article
the
a
show examples
 sedentary lifestyle and are stuck in front of the computer.
In addition
 , it can give them golden opportunities to expand their network as exercises are done in groups. Overall , the
more
Change the word
apply
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healthier persons
people
 the country has , the better infrastructure it belongs
.
Change preposition
to.
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 From another angle , there is are a wide range of favourable merits that can be grabbed by organizations which exert a big interest to provide
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 facilities to the society . In the
first
 place , they can take advantage of raising their brand awareness among local communities. By sponsoring so , as it can be regarded as a corporate social responsibility that the company has concerned for the betterment of the society, the company can have
the a
Choose an article
the
a
show examples
 competitive and comparative advantage over those who do not. In conclusion , there is no doubt that providing sports facilities could bring thousands of advantages , and I strongly encourage companies to support those amenities
to
Change preposition
for
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public
Add an article
the public
show examples
.
Submitted by aungkhantthu87 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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