IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operation to change the way they look? Do you think this a positive or negative development?

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There is no doubt that the rate of cosmetic surgeries has increased, as
people
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 desire to improve their looks.
This
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 essay will discuss the reasons behind the rise in the number of individuals who undergo
such
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procedures
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. In my opinion,
this
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 trend is negative because of its harmful consequences, but it is positive for specific
people
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To begin
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 with, social media influencers may have significantly impacted public opinion about cosmetic
procedures
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, encouraging
people
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 to undergo these surgeries.
In other words
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, these influencers often promote the notion of
appearance
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 perfection and share their successful
procedures
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 with their followers, motivating others to pursue similar experiences.
Additionally
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, beauty standards imposed on society by celebrities negatively affect individuals’ self-esteem regarding their looks.
For example
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, a BBC documentary in Thailand revealed that most
people
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 who underwent nose surgery were influenced by the beauty criteria introduced by influencers, which undermined their confidence in their
appearance
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. Another point to consider is that some
people
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 are born with defects, leading them to choose these operations. Psychological issues,
such
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 as depression, may
also
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 affect
such
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 individuals, as they may face bullying from their peers or others.
Moreover
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, some might feel dissatisfied with their
appearance
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, so they decide to take cosmetic
procedures
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 that can help them develop their satisfaction with their
appearance
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 and confidence.
For instance
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, several TV shows have highlighted the positive impact of necessary cosmetic surgeries on
people
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’s well-being. In conclusion, the increase in cosmetic
procedures
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 may result
of
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from
show examples
 many forces,
such
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 as the influence of celebrities, birth defects, and dissatisfaction with
appearance
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.
Therefore
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, I believe that, in general,
this
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 development has a negative impact,
although
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 it can be beneficial for some individuals.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Try to connect the ideas in your paragraphs more smoothly for better coherence.
Task Achievement
Refine the structure of your argument when discussing both positive and negative viewpoints to enhance clarity.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, adding to a well-rounded structure.
Task Achievement
The essay provides relevant examples to support main points, enhancing the persuasiveness of the argument.
Task Achievement
The reasons and explanations for the popularity of cosmetic surgery are well articulated.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Idealized beauty standards
  • Cosmetic surgery
  • Advancements in medical technology
  • Socially acceptable
  • Self-improvement
  • Psychological well-being
  • Competitive workforce
  • Youthful appearance
  • Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD)
  • Physical appearance
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