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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that a young person should spend time building a successful career. Others think that spending time with friends and family is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #person #time #career #friends
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According to some
people
Use synonyms
, the priority of a young
person
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 should be building a flourishing
career
Use synonyms
. Others insist that it is worthier to spend quality
time
Use synonyms
 with
friends
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 and family than
focusing
Change the verb form
to focus
show examples
 on
Use synonyms
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
. In my opinion, it
depends
Add the preposition
ondepends
show examples
 a whole lot on what
people
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aspires
Change the verb form
aspire
show examples
 to achieve in
life
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. Those who seek
success
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 in both personal and professional
life
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 should certainly strike a balance and those who seek only professional
success
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 can fully devote their
Use synonyms
life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 to it. It takes tremendous
time
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 and effort to build a successful
career
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. Especially, in
this
Linking Words
 age of
Add a hyphen
cut-throat
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cut throat
Correct your spelling
cutthroat
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 competition, young
people
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 who seek professional
success
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 certainly have to focus on their
Use synonyms
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
. They cannot spend huge amounts of
time
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 with family members or go partying with their
friends
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. Their priority has to be their work and most of the
time
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this
Linking Words
 will mean that they have to skip family events or social
get togethers
Add a hyphen
get-togethers
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. We live in a society where
people
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 attach too much importance to professional
success
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 and as
Linking Words
such
Add a comma
,such
show examples
this
Linking Words
 approach certainly has its merits.
On the other hand
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,
friends
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 and family are important too. A
person
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’s family,
in particular
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, has a vexed interest in their
life
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.
For example
Linking Words
, one has to find
time
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 for one’s spouse and children. Any failure to do that can cause discord within the family and destroy one’s peace of mind and even focus on
Use synonyms
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
.
Likewise
Linking Words
, aged parents
also
Linking Words
 need a
person
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’s love and care and if they are denied it, they may feel neglected.
In other words
Linking Words
, if a
person
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 has
time
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 only for their
career
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, it is very unlikely that they will have a happy home or
friends
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 who value them.
This
Linking Words
,
however
Linking Words
, does not mean that
people
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 can put their
Use synonyms
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 on the back burner and give more attention to family.
This
Linking Words
 strategy may even backfire because family members
also
Linking Words
 want a
person
Use synonyms
 to achieve
career
Use synonyms
success
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. Of course, family problems will not bother
people
Use synonyms
 who pursue their
Use synonyms
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 with a
single minded
Add a hyphen
single-minded
show examples
 devotion;
however
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,
such
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 are hard to come by and for the vast majority of
people
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 both professional and personal
success
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 are essential for their happiness. To conclude, in my opinion, every
person
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 needs a successful
career
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 and a harmonious family
life
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.
Hence
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, I believe that young
people
Use synonyms
 must certainly focus on their
Use synonyms
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 but at the same
Use synonyms
time
Add a comma
,time
show examples
 they must
also
Linking Words
 find some
time
Use synonyms
 for their family and
friends
Use synonyms
.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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