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Band 4

In spite of the advances made in argriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

#spite #advances #argriculture #people #world #case
If we take a look around the world we will find out that many
people
 suffer from
hunger
 and they are not happy because of
deficiency
Correct article usage
a deficiency
show examples
 of basic needs like the
food
. Many
countries
 specifically
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 Europe help their residents to be safe from
hunger
 by
secure
Wrong verb form
securing
show examples
 them and
protect
Wrong verb form
protecting
show examples
 their life
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
food
 .
The agriculture
Correct article usage
Agriculture
show examples
 around the world is very advanced
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 in the
countries
where
Replace the word
were
show examples
 raining in the
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
time of the year, as a scientific view the agricultural crops grow more and fast when the sky is raining, so the
people
 in that
countries
 will get more goods of
food
 and be less of
hunger
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other
side
Add a comma
,side
show examples
 we see a lot of
countries
 and communities crying
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
poor
Correct article usage
the poor
show examples
, there is no basic
food
 available to help them in their life to be
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
complete their activities, and if we looked
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the reason , I see ( in my opinion) the policy in these
countries
 is the most reasons . I see the policy doesn't walk together with its
people
 and it
force
Correct subject-verb agreement
forces
show examples
 them to borrow from
another
Replace the adjective
another country
other countries
show examples
countries
 to meet their requirements and in the
end
Add a comma
,end
show examples
 it led them to be dependent on others.
The agriculture
Correct article usage
Agriculture
show examples
 needs a lot of basic materials to be improved and some
countries
 don't have
that materials
Change the determiner
that material
those materials
show examples
 which definitely
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will complain of
hunger
. To treat these problems and to get better
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
agriculture and less
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
hunger
 we have to think and work together and to work to solve issues and the
countries
 should exchange
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
knowledge to be sure they will cut
hunger
 from the roots. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 there is no gain without pain, So the
countries
 have
Fix the infinitive
to work
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work
Change the verb form
worked
show examples
hardly
Replace the word
hard
show examples
 for their
people
 and to protect them
a way
Correct your spelling
away
show examples
 from
hunger
 .
Submitted by Naela78alsheikahmad on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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