IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In spite of the advances made in argriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

#spite #advances #argriculture #people #world #case
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If we take a look around the world we will find out that many
people
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 suffer from
hunger
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 and they are not happy because of
deficiency
Correct article usage
a deficiency
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 of basic needs like the
food
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. Many
countries
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 specifically
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 Europe help their residents to be safe from
hunger
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 by
secure
Wrong verb form
securing
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 them and
protect
Wrong verb form
protecting
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 their life
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 .
The agriculture
Correct article usage
Agriculture
show examples
 around the world is very advanced
specially
Replace the word
especially
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 in the
countries
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where
Replace the word
were
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 raining in the
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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time of the year, as a scientific view the agricultural crops grow more and fast when the sky is raining, so the
people
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 in that
countries
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 will get more goods of
food
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 and be less of
hunger
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.
In
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On
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 the other
side
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,side
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 we see a lot of
countries
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 and communities crying
of
Change preposition
about
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poor
Correct article usage
the poor
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, there is no basic
food
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 available to help them in their life to be
live
Replace the word
lives
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 and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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complete their activities, and if we looked
to
Change preposition
at
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 the reason , I see ( in my opinion) the policy in these
countries
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 is the most reasons . I see the policy doesn't walk together with its
people
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 and it
force
Correct subject-verb agreement
forces
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 them to borrow from
another
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another country
other countries
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countries
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 to meet their requirements and in the
end
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,end
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 it led them to be dependent on others.
The agriculture
Correct article usage
Agriculture
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 needs a lot of basic materials to be improved and some
countries
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 don't have
that materials
Change the determiner
that material
those materials
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 which definitely
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will complain of
hunger
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. To treat these problems and to get better
of
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apply
show examples
agriculture and less
of
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apply
show examples
hunger
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 we have to think and work together and to work to solve issues and the
countries
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 should exchange
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
knowledge to be sure they will cut
hunger
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 from the roots. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
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 there is no gain without pain, So the
countries
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 have
Fix the infinitive
to work
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work
Change the verb form
worked
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hardly
Replace the word
hard
show examples
 for their
people
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 and to protect them
a way
Correct your spelling
away
show examples
 from
hunger
Use synonyms
 .
Submitted by Naela78alsheikahmad on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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