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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that climate change could have a negative effect on business. Other people think that climate change could create more business opportunities. Discuss both views give your own opinion.

#people #climate #change #effect #business #opportunities
Without any doubt, society is divided into two groups as per the distinct mindset of different
people
.
Therefore
,
this
 has become a debatable issue where few
people
 think that
business
 could have been affected negatively by the atmosphere change.
Whereas
, many individuals believe that
climate
 fluctuation brings more opportunities in the working area.
This
 essay will not only shed light on both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
perceptions but
also
 my point of view will be elaborated in the below paragraphs. To commence with the first notion, there are numerous points to be shared where
climate
 change left a negative impact on several businesses. Agriculture and Fishing are the sectors which are mostly affected
due to
 the fluctuation of the atmosphere. Heavy rain or no rain for any specific crop
caused
Verb problem
has
show examples
 a bad effect on farming which results in a poor farmer poorer
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
in addition
 to
this
 it
also
 affects the nation where the demand is high for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food and supply
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 low because of damage.
Conversely
,
climate
 change
also
 draws some adverse effects on fishing
also
 as floods or storms
damage
Wrong verb form
damaging
show examples
 the whole
business
 which reflects the decline in their work field.
For example
, shortage of seafood in food malls.
As a consequence
, switching of weather affects
business
 majorly.
On the other hand
, moving towards another argument of
this
 debate, where for some
people
 swapping
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
air is beneficial for their respective field of work as it brings variations. Tourism increases rapidly
due to
climate
 replacement and certainly, it attracts
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 and
hence
 it improvises
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
business
 opportunities. To exemplify,
people
 are always attracted to going to cold places or to seeing beautiful snowfall. Another reason why many believe that switching off the atmosphere is significant and increases their
business
 as it brings much variety in their work field and meanwhile it incline in their earning. For as, a businessman stocks a variety of products, and as per changes the demand for products increases.
To conclude
, I believe that
changing
Correct article usage
the changing
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
climate
 brings increment in
business
however
 it
also
 can’t deny that these beings decline for some specific
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
also
.
Submitted by hamed.davodi on

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lexical resource
The essay needs a stronger usage of engaging sentences and complex phrases to express ideas more clearly.
grammatical range and accuracy
There are occasional areas where grammar and punctuation are incorrect or misused. You should proofread your essays and ensure proper use of the English language.
task response
The ideas in the essay are adequately discussed and examples are given. However, more specific examples could help enhance comprehension and show a wider knowledge base.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay structure is good, and arguments are developed in a logical manner, although some ideas could be fleshed out more.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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