IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Friendships that take place online are not as meaningful as those where people meet each other face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#friendships #place #people #face
Certain concerned parties today would argue that there is inherently less
value
 in online
friendships
. In my opinion, despite the unique features possible when making friends online, in-person
friendships
 are more meaningful
due to
 the human element. Supporters of making
friendships
 in the virtual world point out the diverse possibilities for communication. In the past, an individual had little choice other than to make friends within a generally narrow range. Today, the average social media user can
contact
 individuals with more varied interests.
For instance
, people who are passionate about playing old board games can locate each other on a Facebook group or through an Instagram page and become friends
as a result
 of a shared affinity. Using the internet, these people can stay in
contact
 and sustain a potentially rewarding intellectual friendship.
Nonetheless
, it is only possible to have a truly meaningful friendship when meeting face to face. Research has shown that the body produces endorphins that elevate one’s mood through touch and in-person conversation. These are signs that there is tremendous
value
 in
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
friendships
 based
around
Change preposition
on
show examples
 physical proximity. The benefits of
such
 relationships extend to the ability to communicate with body language, eye
contact
, and physical
contact
. These features are the intrinsic
value
 and meaning most assign to quality
friendships
 and are completely lacking in superficial online
friendships
 that ultimately do little more than a waste of one’s valuable time and energy In conclusion,
although
 being online affords the average person a number of conveniences that can enhance a friendship, there is indeed far greater
value
 in connecting with a person in real life. Few would dispute
this
 claim even as many
friendships
 become increasingly situated in online contexts
Submitted by sumanpreetkaur24042001 on

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task achievement
Ensure to balance your discussion by thoroughly addressing both sides of the argument. While you presented valid points for in-person friendships, including a small counterpoint for online friendships can show depth in analysis.
coherence cohesion
Further develop transition phrases between paragraphs to strengthen the flow of ideas, making it easier for readers to follow your argument.
supporting main points
The points made are well-supported with examples and logical reasoning, especially when discussing the advantages of face-to-face friendships.
task achievement
The essay maintains a clear and focused response to the prompt, discussing both online and in-person friendships thoughtfully.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • non-verbal communication cues
  • depth of understanding
  • spontaneous
  • genuine moments
  • shared interests
  • sense of physical presence
  • evolve
  • constant connectivity
  • nurture friendships
  • busy schedules
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