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Band 4.5

Today, in spite of the scientifically proven necessity of life-long learning, the idea that innate intelligence (thinking skills) is enough to have a successful life is dominating the minds of people.   Why is this the case?  What can be done about this problem?

#spite #necessity #idea #intelligence #skills #life #minds #people #case
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Nowadays
people
 tend to believe that innate intelligence is the key to prosperous life ignoring the fact that
life-long
Correct your spelling
lifelong
show examples
 learning is essential to
achieve
Wrong verb form
achieving
show examples
 dreams.
This
 essay will discuss the reasons for
domination
Correct article usage
the domination
show examples
 of
this
 idea and suggest a possible solution: promoting self-development.
Firstly
, the main probable reason for exaggerating the importance of congenital features is spreading delusions. Social media and news are blowing
people
's minds with the idea that only certain
people
 can accomplish their goals. As there are lots of prominent figures all over the world,
people
 started to feel less confident about their own abilities.
For example
, Bill Gates, who has an IQ
160
Change preposition
of 160
show examples
, and  relatives with the same outstanding achievements.
This
 indicates innate intelligence.
Secondly
,
people
's laziness could have been preventing them from accepting the truth. In fact, it is easier to blame it on hereditary factors
instead
 of making an effort.  In spite of the complexity of the
problem
Add a comma
,problem
show examples
 there is one effective way to deal with it. Increasing awareness among
people
 their mindset may change.  It can be done through publishing relevant articles and
helding
Correct your spelling
holding
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
, where the key arguments for the power of learning will be explained. With properly taken measures
people
 will be encouraged to start to work on their thinking abilities.  To conclude, promoting lifelong learning is a great method of dealing with
considered
Add an article
the considered
show examples
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
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. If
people
 understand the necessity of training thinking skills, the number of intelligent
people
 will definitely increase.
Submitted by Zhbiroksana on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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