IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that the media, such as the press, TV and Internet should be more strictly controlled. Others feel that controls should be loosened to give people freer access to information. Discuss both views.

#people #media #press #tv #internet #controls #access #information
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Whether
children
 should be engaged with money is a controversial topic. Some people reckon that dealing with money too early is detrimental to
children
’s mental health, While others think it has more advantages than disadvantages. In the essay, I will discuss both opinions and I think On the one hand,
heir
Add an article
an heir
the heir
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 who
are
Change the verb form
is
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 used to
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 for payment are more likely to spend lots of energy on job tasks and do not have adequate time on academic subject matters.
Then
 they may fail the exam in school and lost the opportunity for tertiary education.
Moreover
, some heavy physical
work
such
 as moving and delivering may pose a threat to
children
’s growth, because they need more hours to sleep and their physical bodies cannot
work
 long times like adults.
On the other hand
, many people think working with payments is beneficial for
children
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because they are likely to accumulate lots of working experiences, which is vital for their future working life and they can learn more practical skills.
For example
,
children
 can develop their communication and teamwork abilities by working in McDonald’s, because they have to talk with various customers and
work
 with other colleagues to prepare the food. In my opinion, there are lots of benefits for
children
 to
work
 and earn salaries.
children
 are more like to discover their personal interests and fulfil their potential through different working experiences.
Then
 they can choose their majors according to their interests and spend more time studying
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
For instance
, through the working as cashiers,
children
 may find their potential in calculating, and
then
 choose accounting or finance as their major in their university
Submitted by hehuan1206 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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