IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It si therefore necessary for the government to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #people #health #food #si #government #tax
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Add a hyphen
Fast-food
show examples
Fast
Add an article
The fast
A fast
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food
Use synonyms
 chain is the major cause of
health
Use synonyms
 issues that
vast
Correct article usage
the vast
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 majority of
people
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 been suffering due to excess
food
Use synonyms
 consumption. I agree that
government
Use synonyms
 must implement a policy of paying high
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 on
this
Linking Words
 type of
food
Use synonyms
. I will give my examples and relevant evidence in the ensuing paragraphs. On the one hand, the
health
Use synonyms
 sector of the
government
Use synonyms
 must teach the public
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fundamental
health
Use synonyms
 knowledge
such
Linking Words
 as
food
Use synonyms
 consumption awareness to everyone so that they would be more responsible and well-versed on the proper way and rightful time basis of consuming junk foods. Like in
Middle
Correct article usage
the Middle
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 East
which
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 everything is
tax free
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tax-free
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 including
food
Use synonyms
, almost 100
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 of the population are
depending
Add the preposition
ondepending
show examples
 their meal from wide
ranges
Fix the agreement mistake
range
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 of
fast
Add a hyphen
fast-food
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food
Use synonyms
 restaurants.
As a result
Linking Words
, different forms of illness
develops
Correct subject-verb agreement
develop
show examples
 and the
government
Use synonyms
 is suffering
with
Change the preposition
from
show examples
 the influx number of patients in hospitals.
Therefore
Linking Words
 once a policy
implemented
Add a missing verb
is implemented
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, it would lessen the number of diseases
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
acquired from
Correct your spelling
overeating
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over eating
Correct your spelling
overeating
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 since
people
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 would not spend money on the
food
Use synonyms
 only
instead
Linking Words
 they need to budget their expenditures
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 other commodities like water and electric bills.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Asian countries that are imposing high taxes on foods
maintains
Change the verb form
maintain
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 the optimum
health
Use synonyms
 status of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 since their money is wisely budgeted.
For instance
Linking Words
 in Japan, both city and countryside dwellers are living frugally as well they are producing their own organic foods to put on their table for the reason that fast
food
Use synonyms
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
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 are expensive.
In addition
Linking Words
, they are not prone to
any
Correct your spelling
many
show examples
 diseases and capable of maintaining a healthy body throughout their lives.
Hence
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 of Japan is mindful and helpful to its citizen. In summary,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
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 is held liable for the
health
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 of its
people
Use synonyms
 by imposing
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 on
Add a hyphen
fast-food
show examples
fast
Add an article
the fast
show examples
food
Use synonyms
chain
Fix the agreement mistake
chains
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is the best way to prevent illnesses and maintain a healthy body throughout their life existence
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 would benefit both
government
Use synonyms
 and its community.
Submitted by maymosqueda on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • - Cardiovascular diseases
  • - Obesity rates
  • - Public health expenditure
  • - Workforce productivity
  • - Unhealthy food
  • - Dietary choices
  • - Revenue generated
  • - Subsidize
  • - Disproportionately affect
  • - Economic benefits
  • - Education and awareness campaigns
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