IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasizes that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#businesses #products #development
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Nowadays, the advertising industry is growing so fast that some business companies are emphasizing their newest version of
products
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, to get society’s attention to buy them. In my opinion, the main reason for
this
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behavior
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behaviour
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 is that nowadays individuals tend to show more interest in
products
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 that are rare and have never seen them before,
however
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, I believe that the negative points of
this
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 development outweigh its positivity. Regarding development in the advertising industry, most businesses and brands are focusing on purchasing new versions of
products
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, to get individuals' attention to pursue the supplies that they have not seen before.
Moreover
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, it is undeniable that companies are hiring employees who come up with new ideas, in
this
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 case, their commercials would be more entertaining for the nation and will encourage them to buy and test their modern
products
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 to increase their sales.
This
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 development,
furthermore
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, is a positive change in some ways, since, currently the world is developing in every field,
products
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 should be developed and based on modern human needs.
On the other hand
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, I strongly believe that not all new
products
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 are necessary for living, perhaps, some of them are a waste of
money
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.
For instance
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, there are a variety number of makeup brands and cosmetic supplies, which makes some
people
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 want to spend most of their
money
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 on them, in
this
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 case, they will get a chance to try them all,
moreover
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, various numbers of
products
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 may lead to confusion, and wasting
money
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 for the goods that are not needed. I believe that
this
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 is every business's method for earning more
money
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 by confusing
people
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 when shopping.
To sum up
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, most of the brands are putting a lot of effort into providing new
products
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 and forcing
people
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 to spend their
money
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 on them.
This
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 has an adverse impact on
people
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 buying
products
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 with no complimentary need.
Submitted by vaniaa.z.h2005 on

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task response
In your introduction, present the topic more clearly and directly address the question by stating your view. Consider structuring your essay to first discuss why businesses focus on advertising new products, followed by the implications of this trend, ensuring a direct answer to both parts of the question.
coherence and cohesion
For clarity and cohesiveness, use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly. It will enhance the flow of your essay and make your argument more coherent.
task response
Include more specific examples or data to strengthen your arguments. Specific examples will provide support for your claims and make your essay more persuasive.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Innovation
  • Fast-paced
  • Distinguishing
  • Psychological aspect
  • Inherently
  • Perceived
  • Continuous improvement
  • Revolutionary
  • Feasible
  • Throwaway culture
  • Undervalue
  • Longevity
  • Obscure
  • Novelty
  • Unsatisfactory
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