Some people think governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems to help people to prevent illness and disease. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, authorities should concentrate on decreasing environmental pollution and housing troubles.
While
these can lead to improvements in the population's health condition
, they could also
reduce the level of poverty and homelessness.
Firstly
, pollution in the environment
should be controlled by the government, and they should take enough actions to improve the environment
. The habitat where people live plays a crucial role in their health condition
, and an overly polluted environment
is capable of strongly affecting the physical condition
of a nation. If an authority starts focusing more on solving these obstacles, individuals will live a healthy lifestyle. For example
, in Barcelona, since 2016, there have been actions to create more green places in order to cure many diseases. Consequently
, indexes show that the house condition
of people since 2016 has risen to 70% compared to the past. Hence
, it's vital to be engaged in creating a healthy surrounding.
Furthermore
, addressing housing problems should also
be prioritized by governments. As solving
these problems can lead to diminished poverty and homelessness in society by creating affordable household projects, Correct word choice
Solving
it
will be more helpful Correct pronoun usage
apply
to create
an inclusive society. Change preposition
in creating
For instance
, in 2022, the government of Singapore introduced measures to increase housing
supply in urban areas, Correct article usage
the housing
as a consequence
when they projected, 40% of the power to level was cut.
In conclusion, addressing all the attention of authority
to improve the Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
environment
and household issues can lead to a better society and a healthier nation, and I truly believe that if these measurements
are taken, more social and environmental problems will be solved.Replace the word
measures
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Great structure with clear paragraphs, each focusing on specific aspects of the topic. Work on varying your sentence structures for more sophistication.
Task Achievement
Your essay clearly addresses the prompt with relevant examples. For improvement, aim to develop your ideas further with more in-depth analysis.
Support for Main Points
Effective use of examples from Barcelona and Singapore to support your arguments.
Logical Structure
Clear overall structure, with a defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Introduction & Conclusion Presence
Efficient introduction of the topic and a concise conclusion that reaffirms your stance.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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