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Some people think that music plays an important role in society. Others think it is simply a form of entertainment. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #music #role #society #form #entertainment
Some
people
 argue that
music
 is just a component of enjoyment, while others argue that
music
 has a great influence on the public.
This
 essay will outline why they support each side and suggest my opinion on the matter. On the one hand, some
people
 assert that
music
 is just one
part
 of
entertainment
Add an article
the entertainment
show examples
. A significant number of
people
 play
music
 when they have a party in order to enjoy the moment. In fact, there are many bars and night clubs over the world that play
music
 to make their customers feel enjoyable.
Hence
,
music
 is a
part
 of
entertainment
Add an article
the entertainment
show examples
 that
people
 become pleased
.
Change preposition
with.
show examples
 Comparably, while
people
 can live without
music
, they cannot sustain their living without public services.
Therefore
,
music
 is not an integral
part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 contemporary society.
Hence
,
music
 does not take
part
 in
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 society.
On the other hand
, some argue that
music
 is indispensable in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern society. There are compelling reasons.
Firstly
,
music
 help
people
 maintain national identities as
music
represent
Correct subject-verb agreement
represents
show examples
 culture. Not only can
music
 protect culture, but it may
also
 contribute to
people
 keeping history, thereby leading to having national identities among citizens.
In addition
,
music
 plays a key factor in reducing the severe symptoms of mental health illnesses since it helps
people
 concentrate on
music
 rather than obsessional thinking.
For example
, Recent media in Korea reports that almost 80% of mental hospitals in Korea use
music
 as a therapeutic method
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 patients. As the example clearly illustrates,
music
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 an efficient means of maintaining citizens’ mental health. From my perspective,
music
 has
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
power since it motivates and encourages the population in order to overcome difficulties.
For instance
, when Japan conquered Korea during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
world war 2, Korean ancestors kept singing to maintain persistence and resistance.
As a result
, they could get their country back.
Hence
,
music
 provides courage to
people
. In conclusion,
although
music
 can sometimes be just enjoyable, there is no doubt that
music
 has
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
great power on the public.
Music
help
Change the form of the verb
helps
show examples
people
 have national identities, treat mental illnesses
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
 them to deal with difficulties.
Submitted by hiasince38 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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