IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, more people are becoming overweight some people think that the solution is to increase the price of fattening food ? To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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In
this
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 contemporary era, many human- beings are becoming obese and it has been argued that the answer is to increase the money of fast -food. I completely agree with
this
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 statement because it will decrease the demand among the public and there will be a drop in
such
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 meal businesses. To commence with, if the cost gets high
then
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 the purchasing of
fast-food
Correct your spelling
fast food
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 will reduce. Individuals will not order junk
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
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instead
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 they will prefer healthy cuisine . Individuals only eat fatty food
due to
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 the low amount but if the price increases the consumption of
such
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 foodstuff will reduce and the public will switch to healthy
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
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.
For instance
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, in New York, the government increased taxes on fatty
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
 which resulted in decreasing the consumption of these foods among the public. Another reason is that it will reduce the fast-food stores as the rate is high fewer people will do
this
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 cooking business
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as
Correct word choice
and as
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 a result
public
Correct article usage
the public
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 will not get fatty
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
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 easily.
Moreover
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,
this
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 foodstuff will only be available at
the
Correct article usage
apply
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high-class restaurants where prices are too high and normal people cannot afford it specifically young ones.
For example
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, children and middle-class families always worry about money and they will avoid going to big restaurants for
snack
Fix the agreement mistake
snacks
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. In conclusion, I totally agree with the statement that the effective way is to increase the cost of fatty food because it will reduce the demand in public
also
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 there will be fewer restaurants in which these foods are available and as the consumption of fatty
foodwill
Correct your spelling
food
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
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 the obesity rate will decrease simultaneously.

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task achievement
Make sure your thesis statement clearly outlines your agreement with the topic and presents the main reasons that support your view.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence that fully states the main idea of that paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use a wider variety of vocabulary and sentence structures to make your writing more engaging and sophisticated.
coherence and cohesion
Good use of structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
Relevant examples are provided to support your argument, such as the example from New York.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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