IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

When choosing a job, salary is the most important decision. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#job #salary #decision
People
 argue that payment from a
job
 is the most essential factor for accepting a work agreement.
While
 I accept that
this
 perspective is somewhat justifiable, I personally believe that there are
also
 other elements contributing to the decision-making of a
job
 seeker than only
salary
 scale. On one hand, most
people
 prioritize a financially viable
career
 because of several driving factors.
Firstly
, a high-paid
job
 plays a decisive role in ensuring employees’ basic needs.
This
 is because getting a lucrative income could allow
people
 to cover their expenses of living standard,
such
 as monthly bills for housing, food, health care, and even travel, which could
also
 improve their quality of life or even lead to a carefree life.
Furthermore
, one of the best rewards in
career
 development is a competitive
salary
.
For instance
, a pay rise and bonus are offered to employees by the board of directors if they are able to achieve the quarterly sales target, and
this
 could be a factor in increasing their motivation and enthusiasm for their work performance.
On the other hand
, there are a host of compelling reasons as to why I am convinced that a number of candidates have different motivations apart from
salary
while
 selecting an occupation. One reason is that
job
 satisfaction gives them a sense of fulfilment.
Therefore
, a significant number of young
people
 in Vietnam are giving up their well-paid positions, like bankers or financiers, to do jobs which pay less but that they find more enjoyable and less stressful, thereby boosting their energy and creativity or even
career
 progression. Another reason is that social contributions should be put into account
while
 confirming a
job
 offer.
For example
, many high-paid lawyers working a 9 to 5
job
 in the city agree to get lower pay so that they are able to work remotely from a mountainous area where they could dedicate time to helping poor children, and
thus
,
this
 makes them feel delighted and fulfilled. In conclusion,
while
 it is irrefutable that
salary
 has a decisive role to play in choosing a
career
 ladder, I would contend that it is imperative that other factors should be taken into consideration before making a
career
 choice.
Submitted by vietnam.rosy.nguyen on

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task achievement
Your task response is strong. You directly address the prompt and provide a balanced view on the importance of salary when choosing a job. To improve further, ensure that your arguments are as concise and focused as possible to maintain a clear direction throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has good coherence and cohesion. There's a logical structure: an introduction, body paragraphs discussing different viewpoints, and a conclusion. To boost this further, consider using more varied transitional phrases to link your ideas and ensure a smooth flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and well-explained. Make sure to keep your sentences varied in length and structure to maintain reader interest and improve readability. Avoid overly complex sentences that might confuse the reader.
organization
The essay has a clear and well-developed structure, making it easy to follow your arguments from start to finish.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments and helps illustrate your ideas more effectively.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay and reiterates the main points clearly, providing a strong finish.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • job satisfaction
  • work-life balance
  • monetary compensation
  • professional development
  • social impact
  • work environment
  • company culture
  • financial necessity
  • career growth
  • intrinsic rewards
  • benefits package
  • job stability
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