IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

When choosing a job, salary is the most important decision. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#job #salary #decision
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Some job seekers consider that the salary they receive will decide whether they work for that company or not.
While
Linking Words
 I partly agree with
this
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 statement, I
also
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 believe that job satisfaction plays an important role in the career path of each individual.
First,
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let us look at how important it is when employees receive a huge amount of wages.
Firstly
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, they can easily cover living expenses
such
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 as housing, food, transportation, and even entertainment without any pressure from money
while
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 there are a number of people who are struggling with daily living expenditures and even falling into long-term liabilities.
For instance
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, a manager who earns 20 million VND per month never needs to think about housing rental fees, the price of their favourite food and monthly holiday
whereas
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 a lower-paying candidate with an average of 10 million monthly paychecks can only afford a cheap room and reasonable food, and of course, travelling is something luxury for them.
On the other hand
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, some experts who have been reaching the top of their career path feel empty and meaningless in their plenty of benefits as long as welfare from work because they do not find job satisfaction. Regarding
this
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 matter, I remember a friend of mine who is a reputable lawyer in the business field, getting a large income of about 400 million VND every year;
however
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, it is extremely stressful and intensely exhausting after work. Later on, after a holiday to the mountainous area, namely Daknong, she found her happiness in helping poor children to read and write. Even though her financial status is not as good as before, she is fulfilled and has precious time for herself. In conclusion,
while
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 it is irrefutable that salary is a crucial part of selecting a career, I would contend that other factors should be considered before choosing what task we will take.
Submitted by vietnam.rosy.nguyen on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance clarity in your ideas, try to break down some of your longer sentences into shorter ones. This will help avoid confusion and make your argument clearer.
task achievement
While your examples are relevant and specific, make sure they are varied enough to cover different aspects of the argument. For example, you mentioned both financial and personal satisfaction, which is good, but consider adding another example that ties these two aspects together.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument.
task achievement
The use of specific examples helps to strengthen your argument and shows that you have a good grasp of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • job satisfaction
  • work-life balance
  • monetary compensation
  • professional development
  • social impact
  • work environment
  • company culture
  • financial necessity
  • career growth
  • intrinsic rewards
  • benefits package
  • job stability
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