IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Advertising is all around us, it is an unavoidable part of everyone’s life. Some people say that advertising is a positive part of our lives while others say it is a negative one. Discuss both views and include your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#part #everyone’s #life #people #lives
Nowadays, advertising appears everywhere at any time
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 different ways,
such
 as
television
Change preposition
on television
show examples
, radio, the Internet,
even
Correct word choice
and even
show examples
boards
Change preposition
on boards
show examples
 on
streets
Correct article usage
the streets
show examples
.
People
 often claim that
this
 is good for our lives whereas others do not think so. I completely agree advertising can bring merits for us.
First
 of all, advertising can bring information to
people
 easily, especially for
people
 who are rare to search
information
Change preposition
for information
show examples
.
For instance
, some
people
 do not notice
McDonald
Change noun form
McDonald's
show examples
releases
Wrong verb form
releasing
show examples
a
Change preposition
of a
show examples
new flavour until they see the advertisement on television. They may want to have a try of the new burger after watching the advertisement.
Moreover
, advertising can help potential customers make comparisons.
Although
 we are keen on watching movies, it is impossible to have a look
of
Change preposition
at
show examples
 all movies over the world. For
this
 reason,
people
 can watch trailers to find out the movie in which they are fascinated before entering cinemas. To my way of thinking, advertising can push
people
 more willing to spend, stimulating
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 of the society
consequently
. In reality, the advantages and disadvantages resemble two sides of one coin. Someone
deem
Change the verb form
deems
show examples
 that advertising may not present the truth to the public. Admittedly, some
advertisements
 contain false messages. We can hear that
people
 lose money due to misleading
advertisements
 occasionally. It is common for
people
 to buy
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unnecessary beauty
treatment
Fix the agreement mistake
treatments
show examples
 which
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not match the
advertisements
. As far as I am concerned, advertising is just a tool,
people
 have the responsibility to distinguish right from wrong. In light of the aforementioned, I believe that advertising can let
people
 get information conveniently, providing more options to them.
On the other hand
,
people
 should judge
the
Correct word choice
whether the
show examples
advertisements
 are reliable or not.
Submitted by kuru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: