IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

7 Being a celebrity - such as a movie star or professional athlete - brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity has more benefits or drawbacks?

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There is no doubt that name and fame
offers
Change the verb form
offer
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 not only a luxurious lifestyle but
also
Linking Words
 creates serious issues in their personal life.
Therefore
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, I think that well-known
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
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 face both situations in their soul.
As
Change preposition
From
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 a perspective of benefits, being a celebrity , a person can write his or her name on famous people's lists around the world and on the internet.
This
Linking Words
 is because
Correct article usage
the
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talented public won millions of hearts owing to their work as television stars or athletes.
Also
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, they can enjoy luxurious
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
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such
Linking Words
 as the latest cars , big houses and abroad trips.
Besides
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this
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, celebrities become able to denote their money to needy people and social services.
For example
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, the famous actor of Bollywood, Salman
khan
Capitalize word
Khan
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, every year invests lots of money
for
Change preposition
in
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poor
Correct article usage
the poor
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 public,
such
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 as, recently he saved the life of a newborn baby who
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 unable to move
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 body parts,
then
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 he
invest
Wrong verb form
invested
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 12 cores in
this
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 treatment and
save
Wrong verb form
saved
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 his life.
As a result
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, these benefits can
bring
Verb problem
make
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 their soul more enjoyable and valuable.
However
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, sometimes these things can serious troubles in their personal growth. Primarily, social media always try to impose their personal growth on television or newspapers ,so reporters 24/7 hours put their cameras or eyes around them and troll them with their affairs, parties ,children and other things
.they
Correct your spelling
They
 cannot keep anything private .
Moreover
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, the activity of
famous
Correct article usage
the famous
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crowd
Fix the agreement mistake
crowds
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 influences the new generation ,in order to their advertising or lifestyle. That's why, youngsters follow their all habits
such
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 as bad and good habits.
For instance
Linking Words
, celebrities give advertisements for the latest technology,
such
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 as.mobile phones
then
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 children's easily influenced by them and force their parents to buy the latest mobiles.
Consequently
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 ,these drawbacks can create some trouble for famous
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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as well as
Linking Words
 the public who follow them. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 being a celebrity
, is
Verb problem
apply
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make
Wrong verb form
makes
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 their status symbol higher in the world, I think that they cannot keep their private because of social media

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task response
Ensure that each body paragraph discusses a specific aspect of the argument. It is important to provide a balanced view by discussing both benefits and drawbacks in separate paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Use transition words and phrases to show the logical connections between ideas. Additionally, clearly introduce the main points in the introduction and restate them in the conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • duality
  • acknowledged
  • accrue
  • endorsements
  • sponsorships
  • influential
  • recognition
  • admiration
  • privileged
  • exclusive
  • luxury
  • privacy invasion
  • paparazzi
  • scrutiny
  • pressure
  • exploitation
  • unscrupulous
  • mental health issues
  • public image
  • perks
  • impact
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