Doctor, nurses and teacher make a great contribution to society and should be played more than entertainment and sport celebrity. Do you agree or disagree

#doctor #nurses #teacher #contribution #society #entertainment #sport #celebrity

People have a different

view

Fix the agreement mistake

views

show examples

on whether

doctors

nurses

and

teachers

should earn more than entertainment and sports

celebrity

Fix the agreement mistake

celebrities

show examples

. despite the fact that

doctors

nurses

and

teachers

can be considered an essential part of every

country

, I firmly believe that those entertainment and sports stars deserve a high salary. On the one hand, there is no argument that

doctors

and

nurses

work hard than they should be .

For example

, In my

country

, their workload is up to 50-60 hours per week which is a huge amount of working hours.

In addition

, the duties of

teachers

are

also

really important, since they contribute knowledge to people who would be the future of a

country

As a result

, they deserve a minimum wage rose.

On the other hand

, there are three major reasons why I believe that

celebrity

Fix the agreement mistake

celebrities

show examples

and stars should earn a lot.

Although

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

they have

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

different part of contributions, to be

this

famous is not an easy job. To illustrate, Messi a football player star once said that he spends time practising around 7-8 hours a day while teenagers of the same age can play.

Besides

, privacy is one thing that they get paid for it as there are paparazzi everywhere, even sometimes

harass

Wrong verb form

harassing

show examples

them.

Furthermore

, a superstar is popular,

thus

people in the business can make money from them that

leading

Wrong verb form

leads

show examples

to why they deserve a lot of money In conclusion, being

teachers

doctors

and

nurses

extreme

Add an article

an extreme

the extreme

show examples

contribution

for

Change preposition

show examples

the

country

thus

they should

paid

Change the verb form

pay

be paid

show examples

more.

Submitted by npintho on Fri May 13 2022

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Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

250 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Doctor, nurses and teacher make a great contribution to society and should be played more than entertainment and sport celebrity. Do you agree or disagree

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

It is often thought that an increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violencein the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think the government should provide free hosting, while others believe it is not the government's responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinions

Many manufactured food and drink product contain high level of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary product should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

There is an increase in the number of parents choosing educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them to schools. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Differences between countries become less evident each year. Nowadays, all over the world people share the same advertising, brands, eating habits and TV channels. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of these fashions?