Doctor, nurses and teacher make a great contribution to society and should be played more than entertainment and sport celebrity. Do you agree or disagree

#doctor #nurses #teacher #contribution #society #entertainment #sport #celebrity

People have a different

view

Fix the agreement mistake

views

show examples

on whether

doctors

nurses

and

teachers

should earn more than entertainment and sports

celebrity

Fix the agreement mistake

celebrities

show examples

. despite the fact that

doctors

nurses

and

teachers

can be considered an essential part of every

country

, I firmly believe that those entertainment and sports stars deserve a high salary. On the one hand, there is no argument that

doctors

and

nurses

work hard than they should be .

For example

, In my

country

, their workload is up to 50-60 hours per week which is a huge amount of working hours.

In addition

, the duties of

teachers

are

also

really important, since they contribute knowledge to people who would be the future of a

country

As a result

, they deserve a minimum wage rose.

On the other hand

, there are three major reasons why I believe that

celebrity

Fix the agreement mistake

celebrities

show examples

and stars should earn a lot.

Although

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

they have

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

different part of contributions, to be

this

famous is not an easy job. To illustrate, Messi a football player star once said that he spends time practising around 7-8 hours a day while teenagers of the same age can play.

Besides

, privacy is one thing that they get paid for it as there are paparazzi everywhere, even sometimes

harass

Wrong verb form

harassing

show examples

them.

Furthermore

, a superstar is popular,

thus

people in the business can make money from them that

leading

Wrong verb form

leads

show examples

to why they deserve a lot of money In conclusion, being

teachers

doctors

and

nurses

extreme

Add an article

an extreme

the extreme

show examples

contribution

for

Change preposition

show examples

the

country

thus

they should

paid

Change the verb form

pay

be paid

show examples

more.

Submitted by npintho on Fri May 13 2022

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

250 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Doctor, nurses and teacher make a great contribution to society and should be played more than entertainment and sport celebrity. Do you agree or disagree

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Alternative energy sources that use the natural power of the wind, waves and sun are too expensive and complicated to replace the coal, oil and gas that we use to power our cities and transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some workers must work at night. What are the advantages and disadvantages of night-shift work? Give reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Some people think that products should be made to last as long as possible, while others believe making the products cheap is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In many countries, young people are choosing to go to universities abroad rather than studying locally. Is this a positive or negative development?

You have bought an electronic equipment and within two days problem started occurring. Write a letter to the shopkeeper about your dissatisfaction with the product & services. Ask him to find proper solution for the problem .