It is generally accepted that working part-time to earn money as a teenager is essential. While this activity may educate youngsters the basics of working and discipline, it can also affect their resting time. Thus, this essay will discuss both views.
It is generally accepted that working part-
time
to earn money as a teenager is essential. Use synonyms
While
Linking Words
this
activity may educate youngsters Linking Words
the
basics of working and discipline, it can Change preposition
on the
also
affect their resting Linking Words
time
. Use synonyms
Thus
, Linking Words
this
essay will discuss both views.
First of all, pupils who Linking Words
work
as part-timers can obtain the base knowledge of working and can learn to be more disciplined. Those who Use synonyms
work
have a designated task assigned Use synonyms
for
them, Change preposition
to
therefore
, they have the responsibility to accomplish the jobs they are given which can grow a sense of responsibility. Linking Words
Moreover
, students who have already experienced working will adapt easily when they are working in real life after they graduate. Linking Words
For instance
, a person who did an internship Linking Words
while
they are studying in college will understand the working environment easier when they are accepted Linking Words
in
a company after they finish their degree.
Change preposition
by
On the other hand
, working at a young age will sacrifice their leisure Linking Words
time
and other activities they might have after school Use synonyms
time
. Taking leisure Use synonyms
time
to Use synonyms
work
will cause some effects, Use synonyms
such
as health issues. Linking Words
For instance
, working in one’s resting Linking Words
time
can drain the energy he/she is having, Use synonyms
therefore
they might experience an Linking Words
overwhelmed
situation or maybe lack of sleep. Replace the word
overwhelming
Furthermore
, youngsters who Linking Words
work
might prioritize their job over education, since working can result in money. Use synonyms
For example
, a student who earns financial benefits from working tends to focus more Linking Words
to obtain
a higher amount of money, Change preposition
on obtaining
while
deprioritizing his/her education which results in bad scores.
In conclusion, Linking Words
although
working part-Linking Words
time
can equip students with basic knowledge of working and discipline, teenagers should not sacrifice their free Use synonyms
time
to Use synonyms
work
. In my opinion, I firmly believe that it is more important to prioritize education rather than working at a young age.Use synonyms
Submitted by miarosmia8 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph follows a clear logical progression and connects well with the previous one. This will improve the overall flow of the essay.
task achievement
Consider adding a few more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively presenting and summarizing the main arguments.
task achievement
The arguments presented are mostly clear and comprehensive, showing a good understanding of both sides of the topic.
Your opinion
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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?