IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

In recent years, the debate on technology and its effect on human relationships
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 been brought to light.
People
Use synonyms
 have different views on whether current technological advancements
has
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have
show examples
 united or divided communities. I believe that modern means of communication
brings
Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
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 individuals from all over the world. On
one
Use synonyms
 hand, modern technology may cause an addiction to online platforms
such
Linking Words
 as social media, which is a leading factor as to why
people
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 become more distant
with
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from
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one
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 another. Social media affects
one
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's
dopamine-reward
Correct your spelling
dopamine reward
show examples
 system, and these platforms
are design
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are designed
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 to make
people
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 feel happy and satisfied when receiving positive attention online.
Thus
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,
this
Linking Words
 makes the experience more addictive,
espcially
Correct your spelling
especially
 to users who have low self-esteem, who use these networks as a coping mechanism.
However
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, as users spend more time on their devices, they tend to neglect spending time in person with family and friends, thereby leading to the emotional and physical distance
people
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 are so worried about.
On the other hand
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, ways of communicating have evolved to a point where interacting with
people
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 from all across
of
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apply
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the world is now possible. Just by using the internet, individuals can interact with friends and family in different countries.
Thus
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, despite the distance and time difference, they have the means to stay in contact with
one
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 another. Before the internet was founded,
people
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has
Wrong verb form
had
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 to utilize the old means of letters to share news
to
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with
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 others, which can take days or months to receive a reply. Now, downloading messenger apps allows
one
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 to inform others in less than a minute.
Moreover
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, using communal platforms and networks enables someone to join communities with
people
Use synonyms
 of different backgrounds and cultures, allowing
thme
Correct your spelling
them
 to expand their knowledge, share ideas and learn from
one
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 another in seconds. In conclusion, I think that the benefits of technology
outweights
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outweighs
outweigh
 the drawbacks. It has opened up many means of contacting others, giving a sense of interconnectedness in society.
While
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people
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 are concerned about the negative effects of excessive use of the internet, steps can be taken to reduce the risks,
such
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 as parental guidance.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your main idea in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Use clearer linking words to connect ideas, like 'firstly', 'next', and 'finally'.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points, such as giving a personal story about using technology.
task achievement
Your essay discusses both sides of the argument well.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear conclusion that sums up your view.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
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