Nowadays celerities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development.

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In the modern era, stars gain an excessive amount of
money
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rather than
politicians
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due to advertisement. It seems to be beneficial for the country and it can influence the public positively.
To begin
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with, there are certain reasons why
celebrities
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are richer than
politicians
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. While
people
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tend to think that
politicians
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are boring,
people
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believe that stars
such
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as musicians, singers, and athletes are interesting. As the majority of
public
Add an article
the public

The noun phrase public seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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is interested in VIPs,
people
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want to be like them.
As a result
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,
enormous
Correct article usage
the enormous

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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attention
of
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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celebrities
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brings about an advertising effect.
For example
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, recent media in Korea reports that a post
that is
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written by Hae gyo Song, who is a famous actor, is valued
almost
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at almost

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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500,000 dollars. As the example clearly illustrates,
celebrities
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’ popularity plays a key factor in earning a lot of
money
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, Regarding
this
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, a successful
stars’
Change noun form
star’s

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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popularity has advantages.
Firstly
Linking Words

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, if a person becomes a world-wide-famous star, he would have a significant number of fans over the world.
Therefore
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, not only can he earn
money
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from the local population, but he may
also
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gain
money
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from other countries. Since he
have
Change the verb form
has

It appears that the subject pronoun he and the verb have are not in agreement. Consider changing the verb.

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to pay taxes to the government, more
state-funds
Correct your spelling
state funds

The word state-funds doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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can be collected by him, thereby leading to using funds
to
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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other urgent issues
such
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as public service in the country.
In addition
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, if a celebrity is sympathetic or wants to have a good reputation, he may donate
money
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to charities. Since
people
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want to mimic
celebrities
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behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours

The spelling of behaviors is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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,
such
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

a kind trend would be spread among the public.
For instance
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, a survey conducted by Korea University has revealed that
celebrities
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behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour

The spelling of behavior is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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has more power to change
public’s
Correct article usage
the public’s

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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awareness than
politicians
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’ words.
Hence
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, famous stars’ wealth can influence the public positively. In conclusion, since the population is more interested in
celebrities
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

than
politicians
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, the popularity of
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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celebrities
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is a key factor in earning a lot of
money
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Not only can their
money
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contribute to
support
Wrong verb form
supporting

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb support. Consider changing it.

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the country, but it may
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

trigger the public to donate
for
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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charities.

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