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Writing Samples
Band 7

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important for children’s development as other subjects, so they should be compulsory in high school. Do you agree or disagree?

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Many people believe that
art
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-related courses,
such
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 as painting, are as important as other
subjects
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 and should be considered mandatory in high school.
However
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, in my view, these courses,
although
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 important to children's development, should only be optional in their curriculum. On the one hand, it must be acknowledged that the role of arts-related
classes
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 is as important as other
classes
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.
For example
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,
while
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 math regularly requires
students
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 to calculate and solve mathematical questions that help develop mental agility and problem-solving abilities, drawing and painting facilitate children's intellectual development. feeling. When participating in these
classes
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,
students
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 have the opportunity to learn how to observe works of
art
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 and understand the artist's emotions through what they draw, which can help
students
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 become more familiar with understanding other people's feelings without having to acknowledge them. The importance of arts-based
subjects
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 is as great as English and other languages because they all help learners express their ideas better, using verbal communication
such
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 as speaking, or nonverbal channels
such
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 as how they sketch characters or use
color
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colour
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 patterns.
On the other hand
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, no matter how important these
subjects
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 are, making them mandatory can negatively impact
students
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 in many ways.
Firstly
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, not all
students
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 are passionate about
art
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, which makes
this
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 subject a source of boredom and stress when
students
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 are forced to study.
This
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 time could have been allocated to other
classes
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 that they are more interested in so that they can utilize their time for things they enjoy.
Second,
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if
art
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 is a mandatory subject in school,
students
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 who do not have artistic talent may have great difficulty getting good grades in
this
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 subject. It is not easy for everyone to improve their artistic skills in a short period, which can negatively affect a student's GPA
at the end
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 of the semester. In conclusion,
although
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 as beneficial to student development as other
subjects
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,
art
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 courses should not be considered mandatory.
Instead
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, schools need to find out what their
students
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 are best at so they can reach their full potential.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to maintain a clear and focused argument throughout the essay. While you have provided a balanced view with supporting details, the connection between some sentences can be improved for better clarity and flow.
coherence cohesion
Although the introduction and conclusion are clear, try to restate your position in a more definitive manner in the conclusion. This reinforces your main argument and leaves a lasting impression on the reader.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, you could elaborate on how art can affect emotional development or give precise instances where compulsory art education has been beneficial or detrimental.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt effectively, and you have presented a well-balanced argument by discussing both sides of the issue.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, which help provide structure to your response.
coherence cohesion
You have made logical points to support your argument, indicating a good understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive skills
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Mental well-being
  • Creativity and innovation
  • Cultural awareness
  • Global citizenship
  • Tolerance
  • Enhanced academic performance
  • Focus
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Mathematical abilities
  • Stress relief
  • Personal development
  • Self-discipline
  • Perseverance
  • Confidence
  • Teamwork
  • Collaboration
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