IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

More and more people are moving away from agricultural background to relocate to cities in order to look for work. What will be the consequence of this? What solutions can you offer?

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The trend of
people
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 abandoning farming to pursue big
cities
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 and
job
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opportunities
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 has become an increasingly pressing concern in contemporary society.
This
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 essay will examine some of the repercussions,
as well as
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 potential solutions to mitigate these effects. On the one hand, there are some consequences for the issue of an increasing number of
people
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 leaving rural
areas
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 to seek employment in urban
centers
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centres
show examples
.
Firstly
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, increased population density in
cities
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 can lead to housing shortages, traffic congestion, and strain on public services like healthcare and education.
This
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 is caused by the
cities
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 offering more
job
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opportunities
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 and higher wages than rural
areas
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.
Similarly
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, the perception of a higher quality of life in
cities
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,
such
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 as entertainment and cultural experiences, attracts a lot of
people
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.
Besides
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 that, the loss of young, working-age individuals from rural
areas
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 can contribute to economic decline,
aging
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ageing
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 populations, and a decline in agricultural productivity is
also
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 another percussion.
For instance
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, the lack of employment
opportunities
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 in rural
areas
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, especially in sectors like agriculture, manufacturing, and services, can push young
people
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 to seek better economic prospects in
cities
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.
In contrast
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, rural jobs often offer lower wages and fewer benefits compared to urban counterparts. Fortunately, several measures could be taken to alleviate
this
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 problem.
Initially
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, the solution would be to invest in rural infrastructure,
such
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 as transportation, healthcare, and education, to improve the quality of life and reduce the incentive to migrate.
This
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 could be done by improving existing roads, establishing or upgrading rural health
centers
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centres
show examples
 with adequate staffing, and modernizing schools or building new ones to improve educational facilities and resources. Another solution is to support the modernization of agriculture through technology, training, and market access to increase income and
job
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opportunities
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 in rural
areas
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.
For example
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, the adoption of modern agricultural technologies,
such
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 as precision farming and genetically modified crops, can significantly boost crop yields and reduce production costs.
As a result
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,
this
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 can lead to higher incomes for farmers and create more
job
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opportunities
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 in the agricultural sector. In conclusion,
it is clear that
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 there are various reasons for what happened things, and steps need to be taken by the government and individuals to tackle
this
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 problem. It can be predicted that with appropriate funding and implementation of these suggested measures,
this
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 issue would likely be alleviated in the next years.

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task response
Examples could be more specific and tailored to the main points. Consider including real-world data or case studies to add weight to the arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized, but improving topic sentences in certain paragraphs can strengthen logical flow.
coherence cohesion
To better support your points, incorporate more connective words and phrases. This will improve transitions between ideas.
task response
Some paragraphs could benefit from more in-depth analysis. Don’t hesitate to explore a point further to enhance clarity and impact.
task response
The introduction is strong and clearly sets the context for the discussion.
task response
The essay offers practical solutions and considers various perspectives.
coherence cohesion
The overall structure is logical and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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