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Band 5

In some countries, an increasing number of children are overwehight or obese as a result of eating too much fast food. Banning fast food from shcool canteen is the best way to fight this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#countries #children #overwehight #food #shcool #canteen #fight
These days bad eating habits
increased
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
 for many children that constitute them to be fat than the normal
chape
Correct your spelling
shape
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 in some countries. So, I totally agree
with
Change preposition
that
show examples
 not selling harmful stuff in the canteen could help to improve their physical and mental situations.
This
 essay will draw on the main issue and discuss it
also
 I will draw my conclusion. On one hand, kids' strength is miserable and a lot of diseases would not come to them until they become old age. All of these
because
Add a missing verb
are because
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 of that things go inside their bodies.
For example
, you could not go to the supermarket without seeing colouring snacks that attention the child's eyes. So, parents should not allow them to eat those in fact
that is
 not what happens. if you would not break their heart, at
less
Replace the word
least
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 brush their teeth very well.
This
 proves clearly that life does not always go straight but a small trying to fix it could be less harmful.
On the other hand
, going to school
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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in the morning they will
be having
Wrong verb form
have
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 breakfast for the first
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
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will
Verb problem
apply
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go inside the body,
that is
Verb problem
which
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mean
Wrong verb form
means
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the
Correct article usage
an
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 empty stomach is hungry to eat and
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
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the benefits from
this
 meal.
For instance
, the planet needs watering and children as well actually is a big mistake to feed them something is unhealthy.
Hence
 the belief that the canteen should offer clean choices than that harmful stuff.
In addition
, the parent's responsibility is to raise the family in a healthy environment. To illustrate, children do the same as those older than they
use
Wrong verb form
used
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 to do.
Moreover
 the eating habits too, how could you tell they are
banning
Wrong verb form
banned
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 for them if they use to watch you do.
That is
 why some think that most cook healthier recipes and teach them how many delicious ingredients we have. After a careful analysis of
this
 case, I believe that the two sides should work together and handle it inside the school place and the home to cut off that problem and have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mental strength and body strength.
Submitted by dove1450y on

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task response
Ensure you clearly state your position in response to the statement provided in the prompt. Additionally, expand on the reasons for your agreement with the banning of fast food in school canteens. Provide more specific examples to support your stance.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the organization of your essay by structuring it into introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Make sure to have clear topic sentences for each paragraph and a concluding paragraph summarizing your main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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