In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Parents play a crucial role in shaping the developmental trajectory of their
children
. Consequently
, some parents advocate the pursuit of childhood dreams contingent upon diligent effort. This
essay posits that while
such
guidance can be advantageous for children
's overall
development, it also
carries potential drawbacks, particularly in relation to mental health.
On the positive side, encouraging children
to strive for their dreams cultivates resilience. This
resilience manifests in heightened determination to achieve optimal outcomes and surmount obstacles. Consequently
, children
imbued with this
ethos exhibit increased courage and optimism, bolstering their problem-solving and decision-making acumen. This
, in turn, facilitates their ability to navigate adulthood independently. For example
, a child aspiring to become a doctor may diligently pursue this
ambition through dedicated study.
Conversely
, should children
fail to realize their desired dreams, there exists a risk of detrimental effects on their mental well-being. Such
disappointment may give rise to self-doubt, self-blame, or, in extreme cases, self-harm. The notion that hard work guarantees success, instilled through parental advice, may leave children
ill-equipped to cope with failure. This
inability to endure the pain of disappointment may, in the worst-case scenario, lead to thoughts of suicide. This
concern is exemplified by the prevalence of youth suicides in Japan.
In conclusion, while
it is commendable to instill
in Change the spelling
instil
children
the belief that diligent efforts yield positive outcomes, caution is warranted. Overemphasizing success as an inevitable reward for hard work may inadvertently steer children
towards a perilous path, neglecting the crucial lesson of resilience in the face of failure.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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introduction
Make sure that the essay introduction clearly outlines the advantages and disadvantages that will be discussed. Provide a more explicit thesis statement for better clarity.
logical structure
Ensure body paragraphs are distinct, each one focusing on either an advantage or disadvantage, to enhance the logical flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Use a diverse range of cohesive devices and transition words to link ideas and paragraphs together more effectively.
supported main points
When providing examples, ensure they are specific and detailed to effectively illustrate your points. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
conclusion
Conclude the essay by summarizing both sides of the argument, restating advantages and disadvantages in a succinct manner, and if possible, provide a final opinion or recommendation.
complete response
Cover all parts of the prompt adequately. Be sure that your essay comprehensively addresses all questions posed in the task, including the direct advantages and disadvantages.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify your main ideas by expanding on how the advantages and disadvantages impact children's development. Use clear topic sentences to show how each paragraph relates to the overall essay question.
relevant specific examples
Strengthen your argument by providing a range of relevant and precise examples that support your points. Examples should be drawn from credible sources or realistic scenarios.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example