Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are the most successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are more successful. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
It is widely held that
people
who earn an enormous amount of money are considered to be the most successful while
others seem to believe that those who benefit society as a whole, namely educators and scientists, are more successful. This
essay will explain the justifications behind the two opposing views before the conclusion of why my position lies on the latter statement is reached.
On one
hand, individuals who gain a great deal of money are extremely successful these days because of the stability. To explain, there is a high likelihood that the standard of living of wealthy Correct article usage
the one
people
is higher than others as their financial conditions are secured. Moreover
, they have the ability to fulfil their fundamental needs, as well as
other resolutions. For example
, affluent people
could
live their life happily without worrying about economic difficulties, so these individuals are successful in terms of self-fulfilment. Wrong verb form
can
This
is the case that prosperous people
tend to be viewed as the most successful.
On the other hand
, those who contribute to the community such
as teachers and scientists are successful when it comes to the influences. This
is because those people
are responsible for something that is
universally or nationally advantageous, so they are praised, honoured, and respected by the public. For instance
, Isaac Newton, a physicist who discovered the laws of gravity, received a Nobel award as his theory was not only an exceptional scientific breakthrough but also
an indicator of human civilizations. Consequently
, in a
long term, affluent Correct article usage
the
people
will be memorized
as the most successful even though they have passed away for centuries.
In conclusion, having analysed both aspects, Verb problem
remembered
although
making lots of money is perhaps the most vital factor to consider how successful people
are, I am inclined to argue that those contributing to the public are both successful and respectful. However
, whether successful or not depends on the individual definition of success.Submitted by chachapanisara on
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Task Achievement
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, with relevant arguments presented for both sides of the question. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced discussion of the two viewpoints before presenting the writer's own opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. The main points are generally well-supported, but some ideas lack development and coherence. Additionally, the flow of ideas could be improved with more cohesive devices and consistent use of linking words.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and uses appropriate lexical resources to express ideas. However, there are instances of awkward or inaccurate word choices, and some expressions could be improved for clarity and precision.
Grammatical Range
The essay exhibits a generally sound command of grammatical structures, with complex sentences and varied structures. However, there are several errors in sentence structure, verb tense, and subject-verb agreement. These errors sometimes impede communication and need to be addressed for greater accuracy.