IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary
era
Add a comma
,era
show examples
 the notion behind the conventional and religious
festivals
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 been forgotten by the vast majority of
people
Use synonyms
. My point of view does not correspond with
aforementioned
Add an article
the aforementioned
an aforementioned
show examples
 statement that,
people
Use synonyms
 merely want to relish during the festival and they do not care about the concept of them.
First
Linking Words
 and foremost,
hidden
Add an article
the hidden
show examples
 meaning of
festivals
Use synonyms
 has the ability to aid individuals to understand cultural roots of them. In the past, festival events used to accompany
Change preposition
apply
show examples
by
Correct your spelling
my
show examples
 family
gathering
Fix the agreement mistake
gatherings
show examples
 in order to make a great bond between family members. Meanwhile, the oldest member of the family has told myriad patriotic stories about heroes sacrificing their lives for the sake of now we live under
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
safe circumstances. Understanding the hidden concept of the
festivals
Use synonyms
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
 at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 young age,
therefore
Linking Words
, can stimulate children's cognitive
developments
Fix the agreement mistake
development
show examples
 and leads them to learn more about their historical heroes.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, having
festivals
Use synonyms
 means that
people
Use synonyms
 have a
marvelous
Change the spelling
marvellous
show examples
 sense of culture which
propel
Correct subject-verb agreement
propels
show examples
 them
celebrate
Fix the infinitive
to celebrate
show examples
festivals
Use synonyms
 voluntarily. Nowruz is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 conspicuous example of it. Iranian celebrates
this
Linking Words
 festival spontaneously
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
first
Linking Words
 day of spring when all trees and flowers are in full
blooms
Fix the agreement mistake
bloom
show examples
 as well as nature revives again.
Likewise
Linking Words
,
People
Use synonyms
 firmly hold that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 day the God of lightness has defeated the devils and saved the world from darkness. To sum up, if
people
Use synonyms
 understand the meaning behind the
festivals
Use synonyms
, they will capable of
celebrate
Change the verb form
celebrating
show examples
these
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 wholeheartedly. In conclusion, understanding
notion
Add an article
the notion
show examples
 of every festival can encourage
people
Use synonyms
 not only
understand
Fix the infinitive
to understand
show examples
 the cultural and historical roots of their countries but
also
Linking Words
,
assist
Fix the infinitive
to assist
show examples
 them to celebrate them enthusiastically.

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Commercialization
  • Globalization
  • Cultural dilution
  • Traditional values
  • Secularization
  • Festivity
  • Heritage
  • Individualism vs. collectivism
  • Consumer culture
  • Intangible cultural heritage
What to do next:
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