IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own decisions is likely to result in a society of individualism. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss.

#people #children #decisions #society #individualism #matters
People
 have different views about whether
children
 should decide their daily matters without thinking
other
Change preposition
about other
show examples
 things but only their own wishes. While it may cultivate their confidence and independence in
this
 way,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that considering other
people
 when making a decision to a certain degree is more important. On the one hand,
children
 doing their own
choices
 can definitely form a habit of thinking independently. When making decisions about which clothes to put on, which restaurant to have a meal and which entertainment to have fun
,
Change preposition
in, children
show examples
children
 are able to improve their self-awareness; the ability is beneficial for their future
choices
 on the subjects or their interests to pursue.
Besides
, getting satisfied with the
choices
 they made will build their confidence. They can speak more directly and bravely about their needs, which is quite clear for their parents to understand their demands so that they can find a way to get on well with their kids.
On the other hand
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think, it is perhaps even more important to prepare
children
 for the many aspects of adult life that require perspective-taking, the ability to relate to other
people
 and see things from their perspective, before making a choice. In
this
 way, they may not act so rude and impolite that bother other
people
, or they may seem to be selfish without thinking about others. In the era of globalisation, collaborations from individual to individual happen on a daily basis, which makes it essential for them to gain the ability to cooperate. So making
choices
 selfishly should be avoided. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 can understand why
people
 might encourage
children
 to make their own decision, but it seems to me that a perspective-taking consideration before making a choice is more desirable in adult life.
Submitted by zhminyz on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: