IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that in order to reduce crimes, prisoners should be given longer prison sentences while some people think there are other alternative ways. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #crimes #prisoners #prison #sentences #alternative
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It is noticed that increasing crimes throughout the world,
therefore
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, some people deem that granting longer
prison
Use synonyms
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
 to outlaws can reduce crimes. But, I tend to have a different view about
this
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 situation. Admittedly, having a long time in
prison
Use synonyms
, especially for evil crime groups,
society
Use synonyms
 would be in a phase of harmony. More importantly,
such
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 action can deter potential
offenders
Use synonyms
, which means they are afraid of
this
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 consequence and give up committing, while these situations can be diminished by other reasonable methods.
However
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, it is undeniable that educating
offenders
Use synonyms
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 to be good
society
Use synonyms
 members is a majority way to be widely adopted in every country.
That is
Linking Words
 because human right is deeply planted in citizens’ mind, which means even
offenders
Use synonyms
 have the education right, the survival right as normal citizens. Meanwhile, the authorities will set some useful and practical courses
such
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 as cooking, painting, and repairing which can teach outlaws how to survive in
society
Use synonyms
 rather than rely on committing crimes to gain money.
Besides
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, some criminals would take revenge on
society
Use synonyms
 when they have a long-time
prison
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, some thieves were likely used to taking small items like cellphones, luxury,
wallets
Correct word choice
and wallets
show examples
, they will hurt citizens or even kill someone when they were granted a long time in
prison
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. To sum up, granting a long period in
prison
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 to
offenders
Use synonyms
 is not the best way to reduce the crime rate. The government should combine more effective and humane methods to educate outlaws rather than more severe punishments.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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