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Band 6.5

Some people believe that the government should provide free healthcare for all citizens. Other think that individuals should pay for their own medical costs. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #government #healthcare #citizens #individuals #costs
Whilst numerous think that the population should pay for their own medical costs, I believe that the government should provide free healthcare for everyone
due to
 the fact recently the price of drugs and visits to doctors have gone up dramatically. On the one hand, the government may not have
abundance
Correct article usage
an abundance
show examples
 budget to pay for that.
This
 is
due to
 the fact
consequently
 much infrastructure needs the ministers to deal with,
such
 as building more public parks, hospitals, and city roads. It is obvious that the country should develop and make comfortable conditions for its citizens by providing a great number of public spaces, by using them people can develop and reduce their stress or depression by hanging out with friends.
For instance
,
according to
 the latest research made by professors from the University of Yale, it was discovered that 76% of people feel much calmer and happier after a stroll with friends.
On the other hand
, now the costs of medicine extremely increased, and
for
this
 reason, there should be a free service provided by the government. There can be serious health problems
such
 as cancer or diabetes, which can be controlled only with special treatment or the items dedicated to that sickness,
hence
 they are supremely expensive.
For example
, it was discovered worldwide that 86% of patients passed away, as they did not have the needed amount of cash. In conclusion, individuals should pay for their medical observation by themselves, as ministers should develop the city, by constructing numerous amenities,
nevertheless
, nowadays everything is expensive
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 medicine, and that's why not everybody can get their hands on it.
Submitted by aizered097 on

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coherence cohesion
Avoid small grammatical errors and improve sentence structure.
task achievement
Ensure that each viewpoint is discussed with equal depth.
coherence cohesion
Use more varied vocabulary to make your essay more engaging.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which framed your essay well.
task achievement
You included relevant examples to support your points, adding credibility to your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay effectively covers both sides of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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