Some people said that mothers should stay at home to take care of the family, while others believe that it is the responsibilities of both parents. Discuss both views.

Some people think that both parents are responsible for
families
. While others said that mothers have
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
role in
families
than fathers, I would hold the belief that everyone
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
to have
responsibility
Replace the word
responded
show examples
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
their
families
. Staying at home to take care of
families
has several
benefit
Change to a plural noun
benefits
show examples
for women.
Firstly
,
Correct article usage
the mother
show examples
mother
Fix the agreement mistake
mothers
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
a closer sensational relationship with
families
than
Correct article usage
the father
show examples
father
Fix the agreement mistake
fathers
show examples
. They could manage the housework easily as well as know what family members need.
As a result
, everything in
house
Add an article
the house
show examples
is neatly arranged.
Secondly
,
morden
Correct your spelling
modern
more
women could be socially active and communicate better with family members than fathers.
Therefore
, they would keep the peace in
house
Correct article usage
the house
show examples
as well as connect with all members. All
Correct your spelling
men's
men
mens
Correct your spelling
men
show examples
and
Correct your spelling
women
womens
Correct your spelling
women
show examples
have
equal
Add an article
an equal
show examples
role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
show examples
to raise their children.
Firstly
, kids
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
the affection and
caring
Replace the word
care
show examples
of both father and mother,
such
as emotions, gestures, and so on. Being responsible for children
also
helps parents design a program that
match
Change the verb form
matches
show examples
their children’s abilities.
As a result
, kids would have more opportunities to develop.
Secondly
, both parents would
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
work to have money to take care of their
families
.
Therefore
, they could reduce
financial
Add an article
the financial
show examples
burden and have enough money to live.
For example
, dad’s salary would be used for spending, while mom’s salary would be saved for
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
. While it is true that mothers could manage household chores better than fathers, I believe that
Correct your spelling
men's
men
mens
Correct your spelling
men
show examples
and
Correct your spelling
women
women's
womens
Correct your spelling
women
show examples
have equal roles and they should have
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
same
Correct your spelling
some
show examples
responsibility
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
families
.
Submitted by Eteacher on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: