Some people said that mothers should stay at home to take care of the family, while others believe that it is the responsibilities of both parents. Discuss both views.

#people #mothers #home #care #responsibilities #parents

Some people think that both parents are responsible for

families

. While others said that mothers have

important

Add an article

an important

show examples

role in

families

than fathers, I would hold the belief that everyone

need

Change the verb form

needs

show examples

to have

responsibility

Replace the word

responded

show examples

with

Change preposition

for

show examples

their

families

. Staying at home to take care of

families

has several

benefit

Change to a plural noun

benefits

show examples

for women.

Firstly

Correct article usage

the mother

show examples

mother

Fix the agreement mistake

mothers

show examples

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

a closer sensational relationship with

families

than

Correct article usage

the father

show examples

father

Fix the agreement mistake

fathers

show examples

. They could manage the housework easily as well as know what family members need.

As a result

, everything in

house

Add an article

the house

show examples

is neatly arranged.

Secondly

morden

Correct your spelling

modern

women could be socially active and communicate better with family members than fathers.

Therefore

, they would keep the peace in

house

Correct article usage

the house

show examples

as well as connect with all members. All

Correct your spelling

men's

men

mens

Correct your spelling

men

show examples

and

Correct your spelling

women

womens

Correct your spelling

women

show examples

have

equal

Add an article

an equal

show examples

role

Fix the agreement mistake

roles

show examples

to raise their children.

Firstly

, kids

needs

Change the verb form

need

show examples

the affection and

caring

Replace the word

care

show examples

of both father and mother,

such

as emotions, gestures, and so on. Being responsible for children

also

helps parents design a program that

match

Change the verb form

matches

show examples

their children’s abilities.

As a result

, kids would have more opportunities to develop.

Secondly

, both parents would

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

work to have money to take care of their

families

Therefore

, they could reduce

financial

Add an article

the financial

show examples

burden and have enough money to live.

For example

, dad’s salary would be used for spending, while mom’s salary would be saved for

future

Correct article usage

the future

show examples

. While it is true that mothers could manage household chores better than fathers, I believe that

Correct your spelling

men's

men

mens

Correct your spelling

men

show examples

and

Correct your spelling

women

women's

womens

Correct your spelling

women

show examples

have equal roles and they should have

Correct article usage

the same

show examples

same

Correct your spelling

some

show examples

responsibility

with

Change preposition

show examples

families

Submitted by Eteacher on Tue May 17 2022

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
32Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

242 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people said that mothers should stay at home to take care of the family, while others believe that it is the responsibilities of both parents. Discuss both views.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

art classes, such as paintings and drawing, are as important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that it is a good idea to continue to work at their old age. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that only the government can make significant changes in the society, while others think that individuals can have alot of influence. What is your opinion?

In many countries, an increase in crime has been blamed on violent images on television and in computer and video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Buying things on the internet, such as groceries, books and air tickets is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping this way outweigh the disadvantages.